Torn by the World - As-salamu alaykum

As-salamu alaykum. Please, kindly no harsh comments. I’ve faced a lot of hardness in life since I was a child and I’ve mostly been alone. I’m not exaggerating - I feel empty often and still do. Sometimes when people laugh at something normal I don’t feel it, when they smile I don’t, when they cry I don’t unless I’m deeply hurt. I usually only cry alone. I feel like I’m falling apart a little more each day. My mind started drifting toward sinful thoughts, and to try to stop feeling so empty I tried many things: I turned back to Allah, tried my best, and even did some mental health tests. Still that low feeling won’t leave. I’ve even attempted suicide before - ten times so far - but I always stop myself by remembering that if I do it I’ll lose both this life and the next. I’m writing this with very little hope. This is how my life feels built up; I don’t think many people have felt exactly this, and I pray to Allah that you never have to experience it. This isn’t just depression to me - it’s an emptiness. If anyone has gentle, faith-based advice or duas that helped them, I’d appreciate hearing them. Jazakum Allah khair.