Today, I Am Rising from My Bed

Assalamualaikum, I'm not asking for much, just some support, motivation, and love from my brothers and sisters in Islam. I've pushed myself so hard, both physically and mentally, for so long that I can't seem to feel "normal" anymore. Everything feels like a burden or just pretending. Even as I write this, I'm taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly because of the tiredness that wants to pull me back to bed. These past few weeks, I haven't done much for myself because everything feels dull and heavy. I’m still handling my responsibilities with others-that's really the only reason I leave my room-but I don’t find joy in it anymore. I haven’t hit complete rock bottom (and I know how that looks), and I’m holding onto that to force myself out of bed and do *something*. I woke up at 2 am today, no alarm, no noise-my body just woke me up. Since I couldn’t pray right away, I made some duas and then just stared at the ceiling for about five hours until I decided that today, even if I have to crawl or drag myself, I will get out of bed. Depression doesn’t make sense. I spend days wondering why I feel this way when I have so much. The change from the motivated person I used to be to this is shocking... and I think I’m a good actor. I don’t cry or feel sad now, just... absent. And honestly, the only thing stopping me from doing something reckless is my fear of Allah. I recite the Qur’an, make duas, reach out to friends, try to walk around, but the feeling stays, and all that's left is emptiness like never before. Is just surviving the same as having sabr? I’m not even sure what my feelings are anymore, but at least I got out of bed today. Alhamdulillah. Please keep me and everyone silently struggling in your duas.