Feeling distant from Allah? How I’m trying to reconnect when I’m tired and guilty

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I’m just... tired. So tired. And I feel this heavy guilt sitting in my chest all the time. I miss feeling close to Allah, but I don’t even know where to start anymore. Maybe if I share a bit of my story, it’ll make sense. When I was little, I was really lonely. I was the “foreign” kid in a place where people could be harsh. I’ll never forget a mother telling me I was dirty and to stay away from her daughter. I was so small, but those words dug deep. I got so anxious that I’d worry people were angry just by looking at me. But then I read something that shifted my whole perspective: there is no hell for someone who has already lived through one. So instead of letting it make me bitter, I built a little world inside my head. I cling to the beautiful memories now-the ones that kept me alive. I write them down because I want them to last forever. My mom didn’t have much money, but one day she bought me this expensive book. That book changed everything. It made me want to finish school, dream about faraway places, and discover words that hold whole emotions. Words like komorebi-sunlight slipping through leaves. Or neach gaoil-someone who lives in your heart. That’s when I started loving life again. When I was home alone, I’d watch the same Home on the Range DVD over and over because we didn’t have cable. I knew every line, but I never got bored. When my mom came home exhausted from work, I’d play Assassin’s Creed and little games on her Nokia phone while she rested near me. One afternoon, I even started talking to a fly that circled the lamp every day. I swear it was the same fly, and I’d tell it my secrets like an old friend. I also collected stones from places I loved and kept them in an old pickle jar. When the jar broke, I cried like I’d lost a tiny universe. And once, with my little flip Samsung phone, I called the police just because I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Looking back, I think loneliness made me strange in soft, beautiful ways. It taught me to create magic out of almost nothing. But lately, that magic feels heavy. I feel so disconnected from my faith. I feel guilty for not being able to pray perfectly, for just being too tired, and for thinking I’m not “good enough” for Allah. If I could find comfort in a book, a stone, or a tiny fly when I was a child, why is it so hard to find comfort in salah now? How do I rebuild my connection with Allah when I’m this exhausted? How do I stop feeling like He’s angry with me, and remember that He is Ar-Rahman, the Most Merciful? Even just typing that-it feels like I can’t believe it right now. I know it in my head, but my heart feels cold. If anyone has advice, duas, or just gentle steps that helped you when you felt this far away, please share. I’d be so grateful. JazakAllah khair.