Struggling with Trust and Seeking Patience
As-salamu alaykum, I’m sharing this with a heavy heart. I’ve been dealing with mental health issues on and off since my late teens, and now in my late 20s, the cycle continues. Sometimes I wonder if Allah is testing me. Years ago, I joined a community about drawing and comics, hoping to connect, but I ended up leaving because of the people there. The pattern is always the same: I leave, meet someone else who left for similar reasons, we connect and I trust them, but then something happens or they ignore things I can’t, and I feel betrayed. I thought distancing myself from places where people act disrespectfully or say things against our beliefs would help, but even after leaving, I find myself getting close to someone who behaves like that, and the cycle of feeling hurt repeats. This has been my struggle for such a long time that sometimes I wonder if it will only end with my life. I don’t know if Allah is testing me to be more patient and less judgemental, or if He’s testing me to stay firm and not be influenced by bad habits around me. I’m confused about who I am anymore. Am I meant to keep cutting myself off from the world until the end? If so, I pray Allah gives me strength because I’m close to my limit. Sometimes the difference between trusting someone and needing to distance myself is just a day. Trusting someone one day, then hearing something that makes me question their values the next, is really hard for my mind to handle. It feels like people fear being questioned because they think they’re right, and honestly, I’m struggling to understand this world sometimes. May Allah guide us all to what is best.