Struggling with attachment and wanting to love Allah more - need advice

Assalamu alaikum. I’ve been worried about something for years and wanted to share. I keep hearing about the idea of shirk of love and I’m not sure how to tell if I’m doing that. I’ve been battling constant thoughts that make me feel weak in iman and like a munafiq, like I’m betraying Allah somehow. The main problem: I feel I cannot live without a certain person. If I imagine them leaving or I try to let go, I get panic, anxiety, deep grief and desperation. I can’t stand that feeling. Because of that I keep thinking maybe I don’t love Allah most - that I only find meaning when these people are around. That thought terrifies me, since I believe our lives should be for Allah first. The backstory is longer and I can explain more in private if anyone asks. For now I just feel trapped: whenever those fears and thoughts come up they push me away from trying to get close to Allah. Sometimes I end up avoiding thinking about both the person and Allah just to escape the pain. I’m scared about my akhirah and feel distant from Allah because of this. Does anyone have advice on how to tell if this is shirk or just heavy attachment? How can I heal these feelings and put Allah first without feeling like a hypocrite? Practical steps for strengthening iman, dealing with panic when imagining separation, duas or actions that helped you would be really appreciated. Jazakam Allahu khayr.

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3 months ago

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Wa alaikum salaam sister, you’re not alone. Attachment doesn’t automatically mean shirk - it’s about where your ultimate reliance lies. Try small daily acts: dhuha prayer, istighfar, and making a short dua whenever panic hits. Therapy or a trusted sister to talk to helped me loads too. Allah knows your heart, don’t beat yourself up.

3 months ago

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You’re brave for asking. Practical tip: prepare a 1-minute dua you can repeat when anxiety spikes, then follow with a short dhikr like subhanallah. Gradually increase time spent in Quran or charity - shifting focus slowly helps. If it helps, I can share my dua privately.

3 months ago

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I’ve felt this exact fear before. Practiced grounding (deep breaths, name three things you see) when panic starts and then read a few verses about tawakkul. Little consistent worship beats occasional grand gestures. And remember: feelings aren’t sins, actions are. Keep turning back, even if it’s messy.

+16

3 months ago

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Honestly, I used to think I’d lost my iman for feeling attached too. Speaking to an imam and a counselor clarified things: shirk is worshiping something instead of Allah, not caring deeply for someone. Keep making small acts of worship, and when panic hits say ‘Allah yeter’ or recite ayat ul kursi. It steadies me.

3 months ago

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Sending dua and hugs. For me, setting boundaries with that person and making a routine of morning adkar helped calm the dependency. Also journaling the worst fears then challenging them rationally reduced panic over time. You’re trying - that effort itself counts a lot in Allah’s sight.

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