Struggling with a close friendship-seeking guidance
Assalamualaikum, I need some sincere advice about something that’s been weighing on me. Please read with an open heart and no judgment. During university in 2023 I became close friends with a sister. We studied together, walked to wards, and spent lots of time at the canteen. One day she trusted me and told me she’s attracted to women. I didn’t know how to react - I felt nervous, uncomfortable and really confused. I went home and prayed to Allah for guidance. After a while I felt maybe Allah put me in her life for a reason, perhaps to be a gentle reminder and help her reconnect with faith. I never wanted to judge; I just hoped to be a light for her. Our talks about Allah, Islam and life were really meaningful. She asked deep questions, and because of her I started reading more Qur’an and learning so I could share things better. Seeing her grow spiritually made me happy. By 2024 we were best friends and shared almost everything - family issues, struggles, everything. I started to rely on her emotionally because she was always there to listen. Our bond felt very close. But I realise I got too attached. I’m naturally affectionate with friends - hugging, holding hands - and sometimes she seemed uncomfortable. At first I didn’t understand, and later I thought it might be related to her attraction. She began to ghost me sometimes and I couldn’t understand why. I missed her terribly and wondered if she had developed feelings for me. When she returned, she explained and we grew close again. Once she started working, she spent time with other sisters and I felt possessive. Earlier she’d been the one who didn’t like me being with my old friends, and I used to like the attention. By 2025 I found myself jealous and emotionally tangled in the same way. By my birthday in August 2025 I noticed she didn’t wish me the way she did others and I felt hurt. That’s when I saw how emotionally unhealthy things had become - on both sides at different times. I realised I was craving her presence emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. Our talks were deep and spiritual, but the intensity turned unhealthy. She seems to have an avoidant personality - when things feel hard she distances herself. I’m the opposite: I want closeness and reassurance. Every time she ghosted me it cut me deeply. Over time I started questioning my own feelings - maybe there was more than friendship. I never told her, but something changed inside me. She distanced herself again and it’s been about five months since we spoke properly. I still miss her and think of her a lot. I sometimes text but she barely replies and seems busy. I’m lost and heartbroken. I don’t know if this is love, an unhealthy attachment, or friendship taken too far. I don’t want to displease Allah, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I really need advice: - How do I detach from someone I cared about so deeply? - How do I heal from this attachment and refocus on Allah? - How can I stop craving her presence when my heart still misses her so much? Please share kindly. May Allah purify our hearts, guide us to what’s best for our souls, and help us form bonds that bring us closer to Him.