Struggling to Stay Connected to My Faith

I know it might not make total sense logically-it's more of an emotional thing, but that's just how life feels sometimes. I grew up deeply rooted in Islam; my family was really involved since my parent led at our local masjid. I do believe in Allah, but I also carry some hurt because, back then, Islam was sometimes used to excuse things I now know aren't right. Even though I understand that wasn't Islam's fault, the association still stings. Now as an adult, meeting so many different people, it's tough seeing how some Muslims can be really judgmental or racist. It makes me want to step back sometimes. I've made du'a and cried about it so much, feeling exhausted by all the negativity. Sometimes it's overwhelming, like there's no break from it, and it makes me question how much I can take. I never thought I'd consider stepping away from practicing, but it's crossed my mind lately because it all just weighs so heavy on my heart. It can feel easier for some Muslim men, you know? I see someone openly sinning yet talking passionately about loving Allah and Islam-he's seen as a good person, mashallah. But I wonder, if it were a sister, would she be judged more harshly? It's confusing and unfair. Honestly, I'm afraid to open up or even think about stepping back because of how serious apostasy is viewed, plus the pressure to always fulfill every duty. But inside, I'm just really hurt and tired. May Allah ease all our hearts and guide us to what's best.