Struggling to Let Go - Need Advice and Duas
As-salamu alaykum. I’m really lost in this and it’s consuming me. I’ve heard the usual lines a million times but it’s always the same pain. Short version: I spoke to someone about a year ago. No contact now, but I keep getting reminded of him. Long version: we talked for 3–4 months, never met face to face and never did anything haram, Alhamdulillah. We lived in different cities - six hours driving apart - so we couldn’t manage to meet. We realized it wouldn’t work and we parted ways. I deleted and blocked him and we never spoke again. I’ve had such a hard time letting go. I spent much of Ramadan praying for us to reunite and searching for Laylat al-Qadr, asking Allah for him on the Day of Arafah. I wasn’t blind about it - I also asked Allah to remove the feelings if it wasn’t good for me. Seven months ago it was unbearable and I begged Allah for hours to help me move on and to send someone meant for me. One hour later I saw him in a grocery store - we caught each other’s eyes - but I just walked past and didn’t say hello. I never saw him again. Since then I keep wondering if I ruined my chance. I told myself to move on. I moved to a new city and made a new friend who is married and well-connected. She started looking out for someone for me and once mentioned a local man who is hardworking and religious. She didn’t know we had ever talked. When I told her our story she stopped bringing him up. I’m not stalking him - I want strict no contact so I can forget. A few nights ago I dreamed he was very close and I could feel him like it was real. Then yesterday I was out with friends in another city for a football match and saw someone who looked exactly like him. I didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I asked a friend to notice features and she said he had a ring, which cut me deeper - my first thought was “I don’t want him to be married to someone else, I want it to be me,” and I felt I needed to pray tahajjud and increase my duas. When I passed by him closely later I realised it wasn’t him. The whole night I couldn’t stop thinking about it and felt alone among thousands. I checked and saw he’d deactivated his accounts, which made me wonder if he got married - maybe that was what the ring meant. I prayed istikhara last night and told Allah this is not normal anymore and I need clarity and a change. I even asked Allah for a clear dream if He wills us to be together, but I didn’t get it and can’t even remember my dreams. Bottom line: I’m trying to move on because he’s not in my life, but constant reminders set me back. I’m making duas but I don’t feel any answer and I’m confused. I tell myself to accept that he may have married someone else and move on, yet here I am writing a long post about things I haven’t told anyone. Please give me sincere advice. I’m trying to tie my camel - doing my part - but it doesn’t help when he appears in dreams, when someone else looks like him, or when people recommend him. He isn’t on social media so I can’t reach out. If anyone has been through something similar, please share what helped you. Jazakum Allah khayr for any guidance and duas.