Struggling to Find Forgiveness and Peace
As-salamu alaykum, I am a 30-year-old Muslim woman going through a very difficult time. I am feeling deeply depressed and sometimes have thoughts about death. This all started because of a big mistake I made-one that not only hurt me but also caused a lot of pain to someone else, possibly damaging their family. It's so embarrassing that I can't even fully explain what happened. I sincerely repented and tried to make things right, but I know the person I hurt may never forgive me. I asked for their forgiveness, but it seems impossible, and honestly, if I were in their shoes, I might feel the same. I tried to move forward, hoping to show that I had truly learned from my error. But sadly, I repeated the same mistake and ended up causing them pain again, a deep and lasting hurt. Now, I’m questioning if this was just a mistake or if I am a truly bad person. The guilt weighs so heavily on me that I feel like I may never hold my head up with pride again. I come from a good family, raised with love and good values, and I can’t believe I’ve done this despite all that. I keep repenting, but since I repeated the sin, I don’t know why Allah would forgive me. Even if He does, the person I hurt probably won’t. I feel like I’ve lost the right to be happy, and I can’t imagine ever feeling joy knowing someone is suffering because of me. Sometimes, I feel like giving up. I don’t see how I can recover from this, and I’ve lost respect for myself. I’m not looking for pity or easy answers-I honestly don’t know what I need or how to fix things.