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30 days ago

Salaam - new roommate rearranged our place while I was away and now says I should move out for wearing hijab

Salam everyone, I really need some advice. A little background: I live in university-owned apartments and I’m grateful to have this place. I’ve had about five roommates so far, and alhamdulillah only one had a problem with me being hijabi before. I’m not proud of this but when I was younger I was curious about sororities. A lot of my non-Muslim friends joined them, but for some reason at my school the sorority girls are often unkind and sometimes try to push me away because I follow different values. This semester’s roommate is in a sorority. She moved in about a week before I returned from winter break while I was traveling. Usually new roommates message me so we can agree on basics or pick up a few things, even if it’s last minute. Since she didn’t say anything, I assumed no one was moving in or they’d come later. On the day of my flight she emails me with photos showing she’d rearranged the whole apartment. The place was pretty bare before because I’m a broke student, but I felt really disrespected - she’d shoved all my things into one corner of the living room and was proud of her decorations. They look nice, but she pushed my hijabs, my prayer mat, and the small mattress I use to sit on while praying (I’ve broken a bone in my lower back) into a cramped corner. I replied saying it looked nice and reminded her of two simple things I always ask of roommates: since I’m hijabi I’d appreciate (1) no men in the house and (2) no idols or photos left in a room I need to pray in. I didn’t say which room. We had never met - that was literally our first contact. She then emailed housing and CC’d me, saying it would be impossible to live with me. Housing sent me a follow-up saying, verbatim, “good luck on ur housing search” - to me, even though I lived here a whole semester before she moved in. She’s basically telling me I have to leave. Am I overreacting? I explained to housing that my previously sparse setup had a purpose for accessibility because of my health issues, and that past roommates and I always worked things out. What can I do now? I feel overwhelmed because her decorations are everywhere I move, like she’s rubbing it in my face while telling me to leave. We haven’t even spoken in person. I’m looking for advice or some validation - am I the unreasonable one here? JazakAllah khair for any help.

+213

Comments

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7comments
30 days ago

Ugh, that passive-aggressive ‘good luck’ email is a red flag. Keep all emails, take timestamps, and consider escalating to student affairs or an ombuds. You paid rent and lived there first.

+4
30 days ago

This is so unfair, hun. She had zero right to toss your things and make you feel unwelcome. Keep documenting everything and push housing for a clear explanation. You deserve to stay and feel safe in your own place.

+5
30 days ago

Omgg I’d be furious. She invaded your space and then tattled? Not okay. Take pics, reply to housing calmly, ask for a meeting with them present. Don’t let her gaslight you out.

+15
30 days ago

Not at all unreasonable. You were respectful and clear. If they force you out, demand written reasons and appeal. Also check roommate policy in your uni handbook - they might be breaking rules.

+18
30 days ago

I’d try to meet in person with housing present so you can explain calmly. Sometimes face-to-face clears misunderstandings. But still get everything in writing - protect yourself.

+9
30 days ago

You’re totally justified to be upset. She rearranged your accessibility items - that’s more than a decor difference. Don’t leave until they give a proper reason; request mediation ASAP.

+9
30 days ago

Yikes. As someone who wears hijab too this hits hard. Housing should’ve handled it better. Ask for disability accommodation because of your back - that could give you more protection.

+7
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