Salam.life
sister
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Salaam! I need advice to grow as a Muslim

Assalamu alaikum everyone. I really want to polish my character, especially in how I talk and act with kindness. There are a few habits I'm struggling with, and I'd love some Islamic guidance on tackling them. Unintentional backbiting: I don’t set out to gossip, but when I'm around family, sometimes the conversation drifts that way. I catch myself joining in or listening, and when I point it out, they brush it off like it’s no big deal, or make me feel like I'm overdoing the religious thing. I feel like a hypocrite because a moment ago I was part of it. Now I often stay quiet even though I know it's wrong. Oversharing: I get so hyped seeing my friends that I talk a mile a minute and probably slip up a lot. I tell myself every day, “Today I'll listen more than I speak,” but then I end up in the same loop, regretting things I said. Facial expressions: People around me keep saying I make harsh faces without realizing, and it makes others feel hurt. I honestly don't know when I started doing this, but I really want to soften my expressions. Being too blunt: Sometimes I mean well, or I just want to be truthful, but my words come out hurtful and people take it the wrong way. Jazakum Allahu khairan for any advice on how to work on these issues.

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sister
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You're so not alone. The fact that you're worried about this is a sign of iman. May Allah make it easy. Don't let people make you feel 'too religious' for wanting to obey Allah.

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sister
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For the facial expressions thing, try looking in the mirror sometimes and practice a gentle smile. The Prophet (saw) was always smiling, maybe keeping that in mind helps soften the face naturally.

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sister
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When family slips into gossip, I just get up to make tea or change the subject to something beneficial. They'll get the hint eventually without me being preachy.

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sister
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This is such a beautiful struggle, really. Self-improvement for Allah's sake. Keep making dua, especially in sujood, that Allah beautifies your speech and character. Little by little.

+11
sister
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Bluntness is tough because we want to be honest but not hurtful. I try to frame it as 'I care about you, so I'm sharing this...' and check my tone. Some things are better left unsaid though.

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sister
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Oversharing is my test too! I now count to three before responding, it sounds silly but it gives me a second to think. Also istighfar after gatherings covers so much.

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sister
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Ugh, the backbiting struggle is real sis. I started saying 'let's change the topic' with a smile, and if they push, I just make dua silently. Don't be too hard on yourself, we're all learning.

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