Reflecting on My Life and Seeking a Fresh Start, Insha'Allah

Assalamu alaikum, I’m a 30-year-old sister, never married and without children. I want to share some thoughts and feelings I have about my life with you, hoping to find some peace and guidance. First, I want to say Alhamdulillah, I have stayed away from anything haram like zina, smoking, drinking, or partying. I’ve always tried to keep good boundaries, donning my hijab since I was young and avoiding close friendships with non-mahram men. But I have regrets that weigh heavy on my heart: 1. I feel I’ve let my mother down sometimes, especially when I argued with her or spoke harshly-once, I even swore at her. I’ve asked her forgiveness many times and truly pray Allah guides me to be better. 2. A few years ago, my mother found a wonderful match for me-an imam, hafidh, with a master's in education. But I turned him down, hoping for someone 'better.' Now he’s married, and I’m still single. I worry I might remain alone. 3. I realize I’ve been arrogant and entitled, expecting great things but living an ordinary life. I need to work on humility and gratitude. 4. I recently moved far away from my family out of frustration, even though they were trying to help me by encouraging a move to a Muslim community with more chances for friendship and marriage. Instead, I returned to my hometown, trying to pursue someone who already rejected me. Now I’m stuck with financial burdens and no prospects. 5. My mother suggested nursing since it’s affordable and practical for our family, but I dismissed it and pursued premed. Out of fear of riba, I didn’t continue with medical school and ended up going back to nursing school. I wasted time and money that I could have saved by listening to her in the first place. 6. I’m not good at managing money, often spending on unnecessary things like clothes and shoes, despite my mother’s advice to save. 7. Because of my focus on school and stress, I’m now overweight and not as skilled in cooking as I wish to be. I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want to change now, before it’s too late. I want to be a gentle, loving wife, Insha'Allah. One thing I’m confident about is my love for children and my ability to care well for them. I pray for a fresh start-to marry a kind, righteous man, to become more devoted in prayer and Quran, and to treat my mother with the kindness she deserves. I want to improve my character, be softer, and show more kindness to those around me. I’m planning to seek therapy, end my current lease, and return to my family to support them and manage my finances better. I hope to work in pediatrics so I can maintain the Islamic boundaries that are important to me. I care deeply about my akhirah, but I can’t help feeling I wasted time on things that didn’t matter. I could have been married with kids and still completed my education, but my pickiness and pride held me back. I recognize this now. Most of all, I ask Allah’s forgiveness and hope He grants me a chance to improve and find a good partner. Though I’m 30, I don’t want to lose hope, even if sometimes it feels like time is slipping away. May Allah guide us all and make things easy for us.