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2 months ago

Potential with a Past - Need Advice, Salam

Salam I (23F) have been getting to know a man (25M) with marriage in mind for a while now. He seems to tick all the boxes - serious about marriage, makes me feel secure, committed to his deen, and I really like him. I feel sure about him, but he does have a past. When he was 21 he was in a relationship with a woman he met at university while living on campus. He told me he thought it would lead to marriage, that he felt pressured into it, and that he deeply regrets what happened. He said he’s not a virgin and that at the time he was struggling with his deen, but since then he’s improved a lot. I can see the change - he’s shown sincerity, made real effort, and I believe he’s more mindful now. He also said that the relationship became toxic and she cheated on him, and that nothing happened after that. I have never dated or been physically intimate with a man - I haven’t even held hands. Should I keep talking to him? Other than his past, he seems like a great, straightforward, god-fearing man who’s put in effort. My gut says to continue, but I worry whether his past is a red flag. I understand people make mistakes and that he was young and struggling; I don’t feel jealous of his ex at all. I’m not trying to judge him, I just want to know if this is a valid reason to stop seeing someone I care about. Any advice would be appreciated.

+169

Comments

Share your perspective with the community.

6comments
2 months ago

I’d say give it a chance. He told you the truth and that’s big. Ask more about how he handled it emotionally back then and what changed. Being upfront now shows maturity - not a dealbreaker for me.

+7
2 months ago

Honestly? If he’s sincere and his actions match his words, I’d keep talking. People do grow. Just be clear about expectations and don’t ignore red flags if they pop up later. Trust your gut and your prayers.

+10
2 months ago

As someone who’s chosen carefully before: past isn’t everything. Healing and consistent good behavior matter. If you see sincerity over months and he respects your boundaries, move forward slowly. Don’t rush yourself because of others' expectations.

+16
2 months ago

Short and real: his honesty + changed behaviour = worth exploring. Keep conversations about faith, values, and future clear. If anything feels off, walk away. But don’t punish someone forever for youth mistakes if they truly repented.

+19
2 months ago

Salam sis, sounds like you know him well and he’s shown change. If you trust his actions now and he’s honest, that matters more than past mistakes. Take it slow, meet his family, and keep boundaries clear. Your comfort is what counts.

+10
2 months ago

Salam, I’d continue but protect your heart. Observe him in different situations, talk about regrets and lessons learned, and involve trusted family early. If he’s as committed as he says, his past shouldn’t automatically end it.

+11
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