Please pray for guidance and my naseeb
Assalamu alaikum. I’m at the point where my family is arranging proposals for me, but I never wanted a fully arranged marriage. In my head I always imagined meeting someone myself and marrying him. My family would be okay with a love marriage, but I haven’t found anyone yet, and when it comes to arranged proposals my heart just doesn’t feel it. I’ve had many proposals but never felt anything for any of them. Right now my brother’s friend’s family are bringing a proposal for their older son, and he’s honestly the opposite of my type, even in appearance. I’ve been doing istikhara, so I trust Allah will show me what’s best. But if he’s not my naseeb, please make dua that I find my naseeb, that I fall in love in a halal way, and that I have a proper nikah (not a forced arranged match), so I can truly be happy on my nikah day. I don’t just want a husband; I want a partner I can vibe with and already know. Sometimes I don’t even know what I want. Some days I try to accept the idea of an arranged marriage, but when a real proposal comes, it’s always nothing like what I convinced myself to accept. I get nervous, upset, and I pray it doesn’t go forward. Another reason for my reaction is my career - I feel so behind and I want to have proper employment and an identity before marriage. I had dreams and I can’t just let them go. This whole situation is really hard for me. Please don’t be harsh - I know I’m probably wrong in places, but I genuinely don’t know what to do. I always do istikhara for every proposal. If you read this and can, please reply or send duas. JazakAllahu khair.