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3 months ago

Need Advice on Temporary Sleeping Arrangements at Home - Assalamu Alaikum

Assalamu Alaikum. I live with my two sons, my daughter, and my daughter-in-law - all adults aged 26–30. One son is married and they’re doing a loft conversion at their new home that will take about six months. While that’s happening, I suggested a temporary sleeping plan: I would share one of the larger rooms with my unmarried son, my daughter and daughter-in-law would share the other large room, and my married son would take the small room. My married son didn’t agree and we’ve had an argument about it. My daughter doesn’t want the small room because it’s cramped and feels claustrophobic, and it will also be used as a temporary walk-in wardrobe. She also doesn’t want to keep sharing a room with me - that’s her current arrangement and she wants some space. I feel my older son (the married one) should take the small room because he’s the eldest man in the house and should help his sister. I’ve tried to explain that marriage doesn’t remove his responsibility to family. Many married couples sleep separately for a time when needed, and I think refusing feels selfish. I’ve done similar things in the past with my ex when a family member had an emergency, and another time when guests stayed with us for months - we made temporary adjustments. My son thinks that because he’s married, he and his wife need privacy and shouldn’t be put in a single cramped room for six months. He says it’s unfair to ask his wife to share with my daughter because a husband and wife have their own relationship. I see it as unfair given how temporary it is - it’s just a bed in a small room for a short time. This is a family home and we’ve all made sacrifices for one another over the years. I helped my sons financially to buy this house and want them to understand we must all contribute now. Married or not, I want what’s best for the family, and I don’t think my son is being realistic or fair. He’s prioritising his own comfort over the family’s needs. We’ve had times before when privacy wasn’t ideal, but we got through it together for the family’s sake. I’m thinking of asking a few trusted people outside the house for their opinion, though I’d rather not involve a lot of extended contacts who know us. Also, due to my health I need to be in the same room as someone else, so arrangements have to take that into account. Any advice or suggestions on how to resolve this kindly and fairly would be appreciated. Jazak Allah khair.

+240

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7comments
3 months ago

As a mum myself, I get both sides. Maybe offer the married son some compensation - like paying a bit for cramped months - and remind everyone it’s temporary. Keep the tone gentle, not accusatory. JazakAllah khair for asking.

+5
3 months ago

If emotions are high, bring in one trusted elder or imam to mediate - not to punish, just to help find a fair solution. Sounds like you’ve all been generous before; remind them of that kindly.

+4
3 months ago

Can you rent a cheap partition or room divider to give the married couple more privacy in the larger room temporarily? That might make them more willing without anyone feeling they 'lost'.

+8
3 months ago

Oof I’d be annoyed if asked to give up normal privacy, but six months isn’t forever. Could you rotate rooms every few weeks so no one feels stuck? That feels fair and shows compromise.

+3
3 months ago

Honestly your health comes first. Maybe suggest the unmarried son take the small room but give the married couple the bigger one at nights? Little tweaks like curtains or shelving can make the small room less claustrophobic.

+7
3 months ago

I’d tell your married son kindly that marriage includes duties to family too, but don’t shame him. Offer a practical fix: pay for a temporary storage unit so the small room isn’t full of wardrobe stuff.

+8
3 months ago

You need a calm family meeting, no shouting. Lay out health needs, timeline, and ask each person to list what they can compromise on. When things are written, people behave better.

+9
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