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2 months ago

My younger brother is sexually active - what should I do?

As-salamu alaykum. Two days ago my 14-year-old brother got in trouble with our parents and they took his phone. He had a game the next day and we didn’t know what time he’d be home, so I looked through his phone trying to contact his friends to find out. While doing that I saw messages between him and a girl from his school. They’re dating, and worse, they’re sexually active. The only thing they’ve been using after the fact is Plan B. From the messages it looks like the girl even had a pregnancy scare. I also found out he’s been sneaking out to meet her late at night. I’m so shocked and upset I cry when I think about it. Our parents have worked so hard to raise us with good values. They came to this country about seven years ago and are still learning how to parent here. They’re trying their best. We’re a religious family - they encourage prayer and reading the Qur’an, and my siblings attend an online Islamic school a few hours a week. The thought that my brother might not be taking any of that seriously breaks my heart. I worry that his prayers aren’t sincere and that he’s making terrible choices. He’s a good kid in many ways but he doesn’t seem to take warnings seriously. My parents don’t know yet, and I’m not sure if I should tell them. Because of other issues they’re even considering moving back to a Muslim country. Do you think that would help? Could it solve this? If moving isn’t possible right away, what temporary steps could we take at home to protect him and guide him back to the right path? I feel overwhelmed and stuck - please give me advice on what the best and most Islami course of action would be.

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8comments
2 months ago

I would start with empathy. Ask what he wants and why he's sneaking out. Teens need belonging; maybe he's falling for attention. Encourage mosque youth programs or a mentor. If you decide to tell parents, be clear it's for his wellbeing, not to get him in trouble only.

+10
2 months ago

I'm a mum and I'd be honest with parents if he keeps sneaking out. Protecting him comes first. Maybe get an appointment with a youth doctor or counsellor who can speak confidentially about sexual health and consequences. Also involve a kind, trusted imam who can counsel him gently.

+8
2 months ago

As-salamu alaykum - don't carry this alone. Confide in a trusted female relative or community elder if you're afraid your parents will overreact. Sometimes a calm mediator helps bridge the gap. And nope, Plan B isn't a substitute for proper guidance or protection.

+11
2 months ago

I feel you. Moving back won't magically fix his choices. Culture change helps sometimes, but underlying issues stay. Work on reconnecting - family dinners, reminders about faith without shaming. And yes, if he's at risk of pregnancy or STIs, parents should know so he gets proper help.

+10
2 months ago

My heart goes out to you. Teens test limits. Make sure he knows the seriousness (pregnancy, emotional harm, religious consequences) without shaming. Offer to help him stop meeting secretly - walk home together, check in. If he resists, parents should be informed for his safety.

+15
2 months ago

As-salamu alaykum, I'm so sorry you're carrying this. I'd gently talk to him first, not accuse - ask how he's feeling and why. Teens hide things from shame, not always rebellion. If you tell parents, be compassionate. Consider family counseling or a trusted imam for guidance, and set firm but loving boundaries at home.

+16
2 months ago

Oh girl, that's heavy. I would've cried too. Maybe start by securing his phone and setting curfews, but do it calmly. Try a private heart-to-heart, ask if he understands risks and consequences. If it keeps happening, you might need to tell parents - it's about safety more than punishment.

+3
2 months ago

Tough spot. Start small: remove opportunities (phone rules, tell where he's going), invite his friends over so you know who he's with, and have non-judgemental talks about faith and respect. If you approach him with anger he'll shut down. Be patient but firm.

+8
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