My heart feels hollow - need help getting back on track, assalamu alaikum
Assalamu Alaikum, The title might sound dramatic, i know. I'm desperate and not sure how to put this, so forgive me if it comes out messy. Lately my heart feels hollow but also heavy. My iman has slipped and i'm so on and off with my deen. It hurts because i really love Islam - i love reading about it, learning, studying. I know why my heart feels this way: i'm lacking iman. I'm constantly fighting my nafs over one thing: pornography. I hate that it's like this, yet i keep giving in, over and over. It's become a constant battle. I know what i need to do to feel whole again, to fill that void. The problem is actually doing it. I can't seem to get myself moving. I haven't been praying salah - not even one. It's embarrassing. With everything going on in the world, what's happening in Gaza, i have no excuse, and still i can't bring myself to be consistent. I've gotten lazy, clumsy with my worship, and it scares me, wallah. I need help. I remember how when i'm truly on deen - praying five times, reading Qur'an, doing ibadah - i've never felt this emptiness. I miss that peace. At my age (i'm not sure if i should even mention it) i feel like i should've had my deen more established. I know Allah SWT doesn't expect perfection, but i'm really struggling. Please give me practical advice on how to just start doing - steps to get going, even small things. Any tips are appreciated. And please, wallah, make dua for me to be guided and to stay on the straight path. Any dua, short or long, would mean so much, Insha'Allah. May Allah the Almighty and Most Merciful have mercy on you all, grant you and your families well-being, forgive our shortcomings, and keep us firm on His path. Ameen.