May Allah Guide Me - I Can't Seem to Believe Even When I Try

Assalamu alaikum. I'm 18 (F). I embraced Islam when I was 11. Even though I believed in Allah, I've struggled with praying and often chose not to. Over the years I've repeated big sins without turning back in sincere repentance. I didn't show much empathy to people, even my family, and cared more about what others thought of me. I haven't been consistent with salah and there have been long stretches where I didn't pray at all. I kept telling myself I would repent later and ignored my mother's advice and the signs from Allah. This went on for years until about six months ago I felt what I believe was a very clear final warning from Allah. It struck my heart, and yet I still pushed it aside. By then I had fallen into so many sins that it should have been obvious to heed that warning, but I wanted to test what would happen. I went to college and the behavior continued. Now I find I'm unable to believe even when I try. I've started reading about Islam and it only confirms that I should have listened earlier. Like what's mentioned in the Qur'an, I have almost no desire to turn back to Allah or to feel anything for that matter. My situation feels like one long “I told you so.” Please don't tell me I really do believe and that's why I'm writing-I'm being honest: I don't. Should I force myself to believe, or should I stay away from the faith? People have told me to accept belief before I die, but I feel like giving up would mean defeat in Islam and I don't know what to do. Any sincere, gentle advice from fellow Muslims would mean a lot. JazakAllah khair.