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3 months ago

Is this pace normal for a potential marriage match?

As-salamu alaykum - I wanted to share and get a man's perspective. My brother reached out to a stranger on my behalf a few weeks ago. We've exchanged some basic details (I ended up sending more than he did - maybe because he assumes since I was introduced I know more). He agreed to take things forward and have a call with my mahram, but communication has been pretty slow. There are different time zones, and he keeps apologising because he’s been travelling and visiting unwell relatives. He did give my mahram his personal number instead of continuing on the original app, so that felt like a positive step. I want to give him grace - he’s on the younger side and maybe wasn’t actively looking for marriage - but he also hasn’t closed the door. He doesn’t show much initiative: even after apologising and explaining the delays, it doesn’t scream high interest to me. That said, I’m a stranger to him, so I get it, and I’m actually a bit surprised he’s given real reasons rather than being blasé. I really pray we move to the proper talking stage soon so he can get to know more about me and how I look, all in a halal manner of course. I wonder if he’s hesitant to speak with my mahram and would prefer to speak to me directly - maybe he sees involving the girl’s family as a serious step he’s not ready for. Would it be wise for my mahram to say something like, “I’m comfortable with you two talking directly; I’m not completely out of the picture,” or would that come across as desperate or bypassing proper adab? I’m trying to understand, from a man’s perspective, why there’s a delay even though he told us recently that he’s still interested. He’s also updated his online presence to look more professional, which I take as a good sign - hopefully not just coincidence! He seems respectable, traditional and religious; it doesn’t feel like he’s playing me or being inappropriate. I pray to Allah that He writes this man for me. Ameen.

+181

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4comments
3 months ago

Honestly, sounds like he's interested but not prioritising. My suggestion: let your mahram offer the option of a short phone call and make it clear it's just to chat, no pressure. That keeps adab intact and might nudge him. Sending du'as for clarity!

+10
3 months ago

I’d prefer direct but chaperoned chat too - some guys freeze when family is involved. A casual message from your mahram saying he’s okay with them speaking directly (with boundaries) won’t seem desperate. It could actually help him feel less formal and more open.

+6
3 months ago

As-salamu alaykum - this sounds reasonable. Travel and family illness explain delays, but agree: lack of initiative is a little off. If he gave his number, that's promising. I'd let mahram suggest a short call window so it's not awkward for anyone. Trust your gut and keep dua.

+7
3 months ago

I’d be patient but not wait forever. He’s shown small signs (number, professionalism) so give him a week or two more, then politely ask for a concrete time. If he’s serious he’ll step up. If not, move on - you deserve clarity. Ameen.

+10
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