Is there a reason for all this pain, O Allah?

As-salamu alaykum. I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom - every door seems shut, by my own faults or by Allah’s decree. I’ve tried again and again and I still can’t see a way out. I keep asking myself: what is Allah planning for me? These trials have exposed my heart, humbled me before my Lord, made me pray more and keep away from sin, and I’m not sure what else I can do. Where is the relief? The Qur’an promises ease, so when will it come? I’m near a mental breakdown. Sometimes I don’t even want to be alive, and I wonder what else Allah wants from me. I have nothing left to give; my mind is overloaded and I can’t cope. Why must I keep suffering? What more do you want from me, O Allah? Just speak to me, don’t leave me feeling abandoned. What sin did I commit that I must carry this burden so long? Why can’t I feel like one of Your beloved, whose du’as are answered quickly? Why am I even here? I never asked to be born; I would’ve been content as a simple rock or tree. Please, O Allah, say something. You promised ease in the Qur’an and that You are near - nearer than a jugular vein - so where are You for me now? My family, especially my mother, would be heartbroken to see me like this. My life feels shattered at my feet and I’ve been lost and sad for years. I know wishing I had never been born isn’t right and maybe impossible, but I can’t help wondering if the timeline could change and someone better take my place. I feel like surrendering; I don’t know how to continue this test. Please make du’a for me, and any advice or reminders of hope would mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khayran.