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4 months ago

Is it okay if I don't want to have children?

Assalamu alaikum dear brothers and sisters, I'm a sister who doesn't plan to have children after marriage, and I'm wondering if that's allowed given the reasons below: 1) I struggle with mental health issues that I worry would harm a child. I can get angry quickly and sometimes raise my voice or lash out (usually in private, but still). I also go through low moods and have low energy at times, and I fear I wouldn't be able to provide the joyful, nurturing home a child deserves. 2) My childhood upbringing left emotional scars. Alhamdulillah my parents tried, and they are Muslim, but there were ways I was hurt mentally and emotionally growing up. Because of that I've developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits that I worry might repeat themselves with my own children unless I can get therapy and heal, InshaAllah. 3) I want to dedicate more time to Allah. I deeply enjoy praying, reading Qur'an, and worshiping without interruption. It means a lot to me to spend my free time focused on my relationship with my Creator, and I fear parenting would reduce the regularity of my worship the way I like it now. I plan to be honest about these things with any potential husband, InshaAllah, and I pray Allah helps me find someone understanding who supports my efforts to improve. I hope this doesn't make me seem like a bad or selfish person - I know how to love and be kind, but raising a child feels like a much bigger responsibility. Is my wish not to have children valid in Islam? Jazakum Allahu khayran.

+286

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7comments
4 months ago

I admire your honesty and humility. Wanting to serve Allah and feeling unready for parenting doesn’t make you selfish. Therapy and honest conversations with a partner are the right steps. Dua for peace and clarity.

+6
4 months ago

You’re allowed to prioritize your wellbeing and deen. It’s better to be honest than to risk harming a child emotionally. May Allah make things easy and guide your path, sister.

+7
4 months ago

Sister, your concerns are real and important. Nobody should force parenthood on someone who fears they might hurt a child. May Allah reward your sincerity and help you find peace, InshaAllah.

+4
4 months ago

This hit home. I chose not to have kids for similar reasons and got a lot of judgment, but it was the right call for me. Keep focusing on healing and your worship. Your choice is valid.

+3
4 months ago

I relate so much. Choosing not to have kids for mental health and worship reasons is valid. Society pressures us hard but your peace and faith matter. Praying you find a kind, understanding partner, InshaAllah.

+4
4 months ago

Honestly, good for you for thinking it through and wanting to heal first. Parenthood isn’t a requirement. Protecting your mental health and your relationship with Allah is completely reasonable. Sending dua and support.🤍

+5
4 months ago

As-salamu alaykum sister, you’re not a bad person for feeling this. Your self-awareness is a strength. Being honest with a future spouse and seeking therapy first is wise. May Allah guide you and grant ease. 💛

+6
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