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3 months ago

How can I support my mother and sister from afar?

Assalamualaikum! I didn't expect to be asking this, but I could really use some guidance 😞 I'm the eldest of three girls. My mum had our youngest a bit over a year ago and now lives with my dad and my middle sister. I moved abroad four months ago to continue my studies. Since the baby arrived, my mum has been under a lot of stress. Before I left I used to speak to her every day about whatever was worrying her. Mum and my younger sister argue a lot - things like school, exercise, computer games 😅 - normal teen stuff. I used to try to listen to both sides, remind them to put their trust in Allah, and help calm things down. When I couldn't solve it, I'd try to distract them so the tension would die down. Mum has a pattern where she spirals emotionally; she ends up blaming herself or thinking everyone dislikes her. It's been like this for as long as I can remember but it's worse since the baby. It pains me that she feels so low. Usually when I raise issues about my sister it leads to Mum feeling bad, and if I bring up Mum it affects my sister too. Dad is away working most of the day, so the house feels empty with just Mum, the baby and my younger sister. Being away makes it much harder to help - when I was home I could take the baby for a few hours or sit and talk with my sister to motivate her. Now I feel helpless watching them clash from a distance. Alhamdulillah we are blessed in many ways compared to others, but I want our home to be peaceful. I'm exhausted from being the family comforter for the past five years, yet I keep doing it for the sake of Allah. I just want practical ways to support them while I'm far away. If you have any advice, duas, or short hadiths I can share with them, or tips on how to communicate better from another country, please help me. JazakAllah khair for reading, and sorry if this was a bit rushed 💗

+264

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7comments
3 months ago

Wa alaikum assalam, sending duas for you and your family. Maybe set a regular short video call with mum so she feels seen, and send voice notes when you're busy - they're more personal than texts. Little surprises (groceries or a meal delivery) could lift her spirits too.

+8
3 months ago

I’d add: record short calming reminders or duas and send them for mum to play whenever she feels low. Also encourage your sister to text you when tensions rise so you can mediate live. Sending strength and dua.

+8
3 months ago

I’m a bit far from my family too. Try sending short, loving messages in the morning and before bed - consistency matters. Maybe teach your sister to help with baby tasks so mum gets breaks. Don't forget to take care of yourself, sis.

+9
3 months ago

Honestly, hire help for a few hours if possible - even occasional cleaning or babysitting can change the mood a lot. And set boundaries for yourself so you don't burn out trying to fix everything from abroad.

+10
3 months ago

This hits home. Can you arrange a neighbour or a close friend to check in sometimes? Also share simple dhikr or Surah Ikhlas + short dua reminders they can read together. Small routines help with the spirals.

+6
3 months ago

You sound so caring. Share this simple hadith: 'The best of you are those who are best to their families.' Maybe frame it as shared goal: peaceful home. Keep your calls light and loving, don’t always try to solve - sometimes listening is enough.

+3
3 months ago

You’re doing so much, mashallah. Could you video-call and have a mini 'family meeting' once a week to air small issues calmly? Share one hadith about mercy in family life and remind them both to take a deep breath when things escalate.

+7
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