Finding Strength in Faith Amidst Struggles

Asalamualaykum everyone. Lately, I've been facing some real challenges with my iman. Alhamdulillah, I've managed to leave behind a lot of major sins I used to be involved in-I won't go into details to avoid exposing myself, but they were serious. I don't think my actions are the main issue; I'm just feeling really lost and confused. Last year in November, I was blessed to perform Umrah in Mecca and Medina, and it completely changed me. I came back with a strong desire to wear niqab, even though I used to struggle a lot with just hijab. Alhamdulillah, I don't struggle with hijab anymore, but salah has become my biggest battle. I'm not sure if it's waswasa or related to my mental health-I'm neurodivergent and have had severe struggles that led to hospitalization. My mind often tells me that praying won't make things better, and I'm scared Shaytaan might make my life difficult again. I don't want to relive those painful times. Sometimes, I wonder if the people around me are adding to my doubts. My family sometimes says things that hurt, like questioning my faith over things I can't control. I genuinely want to pray, but self-doubt holds me back. I've had ruqyah and istikhara done, and both indicated that I'm dealing with mental health issues, not black magic or jinn possession, though some claimed otherwise. I've been through a lot-physical violence, emotional abuse-but Alhamdulillah, I'm healing slowly. I try to do small acts of worship like dhikr, listening to Quran, and wearing hijab and niqab, and I'm really hoping to build up to salah. If anyone has been through something similar or has advice, please share-I could really use it. I mostly just need to know if praying will help me feel closer to Allah. It's tough when even your own community sometimes makes you feel unwelcome. I was bullied so badly that I once stepped away from Islam, but since my Umrah five months ago, I've been yearning to return to Allah before it's too late. With everything happening in the world, I truly want to change. I consider myself a good person-I give charity, treat others with respect, and work on patience and controlling my anger. The main thing holding me back from growing is this struggle with salah. Wallah, I used to be so dedicated, praying and reading Quran regularly, and I'd give anything to have that connection again. Jazakallah for reading, and I hope everyone is having a blessed Ramadan ❤️