Sisters, any similar experiences?

As-salamu alaykum. I'm seeking genuine advice, so please be kind. I love my family dearly and want to approach this in a way that respects both them and my faith. I'd love to hear from those who've walked a similar path. I'm a sister in my early twenties, and there's a brother I wish to marry, insha'Allah. He's a practicing Muslim with good character, and he wants to involve our families properly. However, my family discovered we knew each other before formal family talks, and it really upset them. My mother was heartbroken, and her tears made me feel like I'd lost my father's trust. The guilt weighs heavily on me. Alhamdulillah, things have settled a bit. My family wants to check his background-if all is well, my mom even mentioned a possible family meeting. But they keep bringing up things like caste and background, which I feel shouldn't outweigh deen and character. I'm receiving mixed messages: some relatives say we should investigate further, others urge me to drop it, making me feel guilty. I'm torn between honoring my parents and wanting him to be judged fairly. I can't tell if this is heading in a good direction. My father doesn't know yet-my mom says his opinion will carry huge weight, which makes me anxious. Especially since she's fixated on caste, though a male relative married someone from a different background and, after some reluctance, my father accepted. It feels like there's a double standard: men get more freedom, while daughters choosing a spouse face harsher judgment. I'm wondering if any sisters have been through this? Did your family's initial reaction soften over time as they got to know the brother? Were there signs of hope, or did it remain a no? Jazakum Allahu khayran for any honest experiences you can share.