Finding My Way Back: A Journey of Faith Through Tough Times

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. I'm a sister who grew up in a Muslim household, but I feel like I'm starting fresh. My family wasn't very religious, so the pillars and traditions weren't a big part of my life. I'm learning everything now, from the ground up. Please make dua for me – I'm really trying to find my path. My turning point came last Ramadan. I was living alone in a non-Muslim country, and something inside me stirred. My lost faith began to return. I tried fasting and praying for the first time, sincerely asking Allah for forgiveness. But then I got very sick with pneumonia, the worst I've ever felt. It scared me and became a huge obstacle. I wondered if I was spiritually ready or if my heart was still too weak. With Ramadan here again, I'm constantly reminded to focus on my deen. I believe that with consistency, things will get easier, insha'Allah. For over a year now, I've been dealing with severe mental health struggles, and I can't access a therapist right now. It makes everything feel so heavy, and I often overthink if I'm on the right path. I have difficult episodes and dark thoughts, and sometimes days just blur together. I feel lost and like I don't belong; every day feels unsteady. But since this Ramadan began, I've felt a bit more peace. I remind myself that no matter how alone I feel, Allah is always with me, wherever I am. Due to my health, I'm not fasting this Ramadan either, and I carry guilt for not completing my fasts last year. Insha'Allah, I will regain my health and be ready for next Ramadan. For now, my goal is to start praying regularly. I don't speak Arabic, so learning salah from the beginning is tough. I use my phone to follow along, and memorizing the steps is a challenge in itself. Despite it all, I feel a spark of hope again. I want to be more consistent, improve my relationship with Islam, and grow closer to Allah, the Most Merciful. I would be so grateful for any advice from those who have walked a similar path or anyone with kind words to share. Writing this has brought up a lot of emotions, revisiting these struggles. Jazakum Allahu khayran to anyone who takes the time to read and respond.