Finding My Way Back: A Journey of Faith and Renewal

Salam everyone. I've been thinking a lot about my journey. A few months ago, I felt my connection to Islam weaken after having been Muslim for several years. It's a difficult feeling to describe. Here are some of the struggles I faced that led me to that point. 1. It was incredibly lonely. I never really felt like I belonged at the mosque, and sometimes I didn't feel taken seriously as someone who came to the faith later in life. On top of that, my family relationships became very strained. I felt isolated, like I was on my own path with no one to walk with. 2. Managing my faith alongside my health has been a huge challenge. I deal with some mental and physical health conditions that make daily routines, including acts of worship, very difficult. There are days when simply managing one prayer feels like a major accomplishment. Fasting wasn't an option for me due to my health, and the expectation from some people that I should just be able to do things like everyone else was really disheartening. I got overwhelmed trying to keep up. Even aspects like modest dress were difficult due to sensory sensitivities. I also can't have children, and I've felt this created a sense of being 'less than' in the eyes of some, which is a painful weight to carry. 3. My intentions got confused along the way. Before I became Muslim, I knew a man who was very supportive. Our relationship was complicated and spanned years, but for various reasons, it wasn't meant to be. I realize now that I had started praying and striving, partly in hopes of becoming a 'suitable' wife, rather than purely for the sake of seeking Allah's pleasure. When that hope faded, I was left asking myself, 'What is the point of all this effort?' My foundation felt shattered, and I couldn't find a reason to continue. All these pieces, and many more, just came apart. I'm trying to sort through it all now. I'm not sure where I stand, or if I can find my way back to a solid belief. I'm just sharing my story in case anyone has felt something similar.