Feeling unsure about starting to wear hijab as I learn more about it
Assalamu alaikum everyone, For about a month now, I've been thinking seriously about wearing the hijab. I started trying it more often during Ramadan to get used to it, but honestly, the more I read about it, the more discouraged I feel. Don't get me wrong – I really love the idea behind hijab, that we're valued for our character rather than our looks. It's just hard to go from having my hair be my favorite part of my appearance to covering it up all the time. I also care a lot about expressing myself through clothing, but as I've been researching what's allowed, I keep seeing scholars say things like trousers (even loose ones) are problematic, handbags and backpacks can be tabarruj, jackets too... and it's really disheartening. I know ultimately the goal is full coverage with hijab and abaya regularly, but right now I feel young and new to this. Changing everything overnight – no makeup, no cute outfits – feels overwhelming. In my heart, I believe if I start gradually (showing less hair, less neck until eventually nothing shows), I'll stick with it consistently. I actually wore hijab for several days straight, but then I saw myself in the mirror with full coverage and got so upset I cried, and didn't wear it the next day. That made me feel really guilty. I'm just confused because people make it seem all-or-nothing – like once I start, suddenly I can't wear jewelry or nice clothes anymore, and my wedding (insha'Allah someday) would have to be plain, and at events I'd still need to wear a jilbab or khimar (which might make me stand out more than a dressy outfit). I understand some of this falls under tabarruj and that excessive makeup isn't good, but does that mean I shouldn't wear hijab at all? Has anyone else felt this way when starting?