Finding Islam in secret has been my biggest test
Assalamu alaikum everyone. I accepted Islam about seven months ago. Alhamdulillah, I pray most days, I fasted during Ramadan, and when I go into town (I live in a really small place), I wear my hijab. But here's the thing – my family doesn't know. They still think I'm their Christian daughter. Nobody has a clue. My older sibling went through some really tough times before (involving things my family couldn't accept) and it ended up with them not speaking anymore. My parents are already so hurt from that. I'm terrified of causing them more pain. I know embracing Islam isn't the same as what happened with my sibling. But my parents are very serious about their faith. This would shock them. It would break their hearts. My town is tiny. People talk. They already gossip about my sibling. If they found out about me, my parents would feel embarrassed all over again. That thought honestly kills me inside. I tried to leave Islam, seriously. I tried to forget about it and just live a 'normal' life. I even tried telling myself to stop believing altogether. I thought maybe I could just marry someone from my community and move on to keep everyone happy. But every path just brought me back here. I can't let go of this deen. I love it. I want a proper Islamic marriage. I want a good, righteous Muslim husband. I want to raise Muslim children. I want my future family to love Islam too. I want this with everything in me. But I'm scared about what comes next. How do I make any of this happen? How do I even begin to tell them I'm Muslim? I cry most nights realizing how difficult this is. I love my parents more than anything. I'm so afraid of hurting them. Sometimes I cry and ask Allah why He guided me. I even wished He'd left me unaware so I wouldn't have this fear and weight on my shoulders. I don't regret Islam, but being a new Muslim truly tests your strength. I don't know what to do. Please make dua for me. And if anyone has advice, especially others who accepted Islam and went through something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing from you.