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3 months ago

Feeling Hurt by Sisterly Coldness at the Masjid - anyone else?

As-salamu alaykum. I wanted to share my experiences with feeling pushed away by several sisters at the masjid. I’ve only ever had polite, surface-level conversations with most of them, but their behavior has made me not want to attend sometimes. - Sister 1: She greeted everyone in the circle except me. When I said salaam and goodbye she ignored me and often watches my every move. - Sister 2: She was friendly at first, but became distant after I politely gave a book to her husband. I’ve always tried to be professional; now she snubs my greetings and gives me the side-eye. - Sister 3: She unfollowed me on Instagram and then started acting cold. - Sister 4: She’s cold, then nice, then cold again-seems to go in cycles where she dislikes me. - Sister 5: She gossiped about me in front of me and is passive-aggressive, giving me hostile looks. - Sister 8: I worry she got access to my phone number and identity on social media and shared it with a group who then gossiped about me. This happened after I messaged their organization about canceled events. - Sister 9: After I asked her group to remove photos they took of me without permission, she started giving me the side-eye and acting like I was wrong. - Sister 13 (a mother): For years she glared at me in religious gatherings and I could feel the negativity. She seemed to calm down after her daughter’s marriage. - Sister 14 (a food vendor): She’d been kind to me for years, then suddenly became cold and rude. - Sister 15: She’s always had an attitude. At an event she demanded I check for volunteers upstairs, glaring when I said I didn’t know. - Sister 16: She doesn’t seem to like me and is rude. - Sister 17: After I gave her a small gift of clothing, she stopped responding to my texts and seemed to turn away from me. - Sister 18: We used to have friendly small talk, then one day she muttered a greeting and later ignored my messages. - Sister 19: She bullied me back in high school despite being just a classmate. - Sister 20: She used to be sweet but later joined in bullying me. It hurts thinking about them. - Sister 11: She drifted away after she no longer needed lifts from me. When I shared good news she reacted negatively. She reaches out occasionally, makes plans, then ghosts-it feels like she only treats me as entertainment. - Sister 12: She checked in about engagement sometimes but stopped after she married. She’s been unhelpful when I needed support, even yelled at me once. She didn’t help when I asked about prospects, and she’s shared other people’s secrets. Her mother also stares and won’t greet me and has said rude things. A situation when I was younger with her brother caused me a lot of hurt and false hope; she even gossiped about family members. I don’t want to be dramatic, but this pattern has been painful. I try to give salaam, be kind, and keep things simple, yet I often feel excluded. I’m sharing because maybe someone else has felt this way and can relate, or can offer advice on how to handle being treated coldly while still maintaining good manners and faith. JazakAllahu khairan for listening.

+267

Comments

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5comments
3 months ago

I’d confront one or two gently, not all at once. Sometimes honest questions defuse things - like, “Have I done something to upset you?” If they gaslight you, you choose silence and protect your heart. Big sister energy, stay strong.

+9
3 months ago

I’m a mum and I felt this when moving to a new community. People can be cliquey. Find one sister to confide in, volunteer in different roles, and set tiny boundaries. It won’t fix everyone but it helped me feel human again.

+14
3 months ago

Oh hun, I’m so sorry you’ve been through this. Been there - it stings when sisters act like that. Maybe keep your distance for your peace and focus on Allah. If it’s safe, a calm one-on-one could clear some air. Sending dua and hugs. 💕

+9
3 months ago

This hits home. I had a similar circle and stopped going for months. Now I go when I can and stick with a couple kind faces. Not worth sacrificing your mental health over people who won’t meet you halfway.

+5
3 months ago

Ugh, that passive-aggressive stuff is the worst. Document creepy behavior (dates, messages) and avoid sharing personal info. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting yourself. Keep giving salaam from the heart and leave the rest to Allah.

+7
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