Feeling Distant from Friends Since Recommitting to Hijrah - a Personal Rant
assalamu alaikum. this is kinda messy, but i need to get it out. lately i've been seeing the world in a very different light. i put my hijab back on last week and suddenly a lot of worldly things feel so small and pointless. i can't understand why people keep fighting over trivial stuff, trying to prove they're better, showing off - even some muslims around me. it feels like so many people are just caught up in the surface of things. when i hang out with my friends, most of the conversation is ghibah and gossip. there isn't a single thoughtful idea, no sharing of beneficial knowledge, barely any talk about deen or deeper matters. i keep wondering: why does talking about other people's lives matter so much? i'm honestly so tired of it. i can't find a single friend who wants to work on themselves through knowledge. they stick to the same shallow thoughts and never try to see things from another view. am i being unreasonable or harsh for feeling this way? i look at them and i don't really want to spend time with them because of this. i want companions who will help me grow, learn about deen and duniya, and increase my iman. since i started paying more attention to this, my friends feel dull - forgive me ya Allah - but sometimes i think they're ignorant. their topics, their attitudes, the focus on material things only, like they don't care about the soul or what's around us. everyone judges everyone like they're perfect. who are we to judge? every person has faults. am i a bad person for thinking like this about my friends? i just want to improve myself and be around people with the same aim. i want ilm and understanding. sometimes i even wish i hadn't started learning, because ignorant people seem happier - they don't notice or worry. the more i learn and realise this world is fleeting, the more i long for true peace. i hope that made sense. if you've felt this before, please share - i'd really like to hear your experience and thoughts. may Allah protect us all. 💜