Feeling Afraid of Losing My Iman Again, Please Dua Needed

Assalamu Alaikum, this is going to be a bit long, but you can skip to the last part if you want. I'm in 9th grade and was born into a Muslim family. My family identifies as Muslim, but honestly, none of them pray regularly except my dad, who only prays Salat Al-Jumu'ah every week. I'm looking for advice or someone who understands, not to expose my sins. Growing up, I thought not praying was normal and that praying was just Sunnah. Then in 5th grade, I met a friend, let’s call her Fatima, whose family was religious. My school is Islamic and we have breaks for Duhr prayer. Fatima would encourage me to pray with her. I told her I didn’t pray because my parents didn’t. She told me prayer is wajib (obligatory), and that shocked me. We talked a lot, and even though I wasn’t convinced or praying properly, I started praying Duhr at school with her daily. This went on until 7th grade. On October 7, 2023, when the tragedy in Gaza began, I wanted to pray for Palestine. That motivated me to learn how to pray properly and I began praying all five daily prayers with sincere intentions, Alhamdulillah. My relationship with my parents has never been easy. My mom is narcissistic and my dad is rarely home. He’s a decent father sometimes but a bad husband who can get violent when angry. When my mom noticed I started praying, she’d criticize me for any mistake, saying things like, “Is this how a girl who prays acts?” and “Do you think your prayers count when you disrespect me?” Even small things like spilling water became signs of disrespect to her. It was really hard, but I kept praying. In December 2023, after two months of praying, my iman grew and I wanted to wear the hijab. I was 12 then, and since I had started menstruating at 11, I felt it was time. I asked my parents but my mom said no and my dad said it wasn’t his business. My mom cares a lot about looks and laughed when I said I looked better with hijab. She said the hijab is to hide beauty, so if I looked better with it, I shouldn’t wear it. I kept asking and in February 2024, when school resumed, I started wearing hijab to school without their permission, and Alhamdulillah, they didn’t stop me. Now I’m memorizing Surah Al-Jumu’ah but I feel like a hypocrite because I don’t always pray all my five prayers, which is the minimum. Before hijab, my mom would make me wear tight and short clothes and oversexualize me. I was sexually assaulted three times during that period (not rape, but still very hurtful), including by my cousin whom I still see weekly. I never told anyone. I don’t blame my mom or my clothes for what happened, but I do think modest clothing protects us. I told my mom I was uncomfortable, but she dismissed it. Later I told her it was haram to force me to wear such clothes, and she said I was just a kid. I was assaulted again by my cousin and once by a woman, which confused me at first. Fatima has been so proud of me for praying and wearing hijab; I love her for that. Before meeting her, I didn’t even believe in Allah and thought I’d leave Islam once I was free because the version I saw was only my family’s. Her support kept me motivated, and I also stopped listening to music. For the first months of wearing hijab in 2024, I prayed on time. But after school ended in June and I knew I’d be changing schools and seeing Fatima less, I got very depressed. I relapsed into self-harm, which I’d done briefly at 11, and developed an eating disorder. I still prayed but sometimes late or missed prayers and made them up later. My fights with my mom worsened, making me want to hurt myself more, though I don’t blame her for my actions. That was the hardest time of my life mentally, but I felt guilty for harming myself. We had a vacation in January 2025 and I stopped self-harm so my wounds wouldn’t sting while swimming. On December 30, I got clean and have stayed clean for 248 days now. I still missed prayers sometimes but promised myself to be consistent in Ramadan and did better. My mental health improved but I still struggled with eating. Between March and May, I thought I was getting better. But by June and July, my iman dropped again and I started missing prayers. In August, I was assaulted again, this time by a 60-year-old man I’ve known since childhood (a tailor). That shook me deeply and worsened my eating disorder. I still think about it daily and sometimes wonder if I’m sinful for wishing he’s punished. By September, I was missing prayers badly, sometimes going whole days without praying. I kept telling myself to “lock in” and be consistent but kept failing. Now in October, my mental health is worse than ever and I haven’t prayed in a week. I feel terrible and want to pray, but something stops me. I wish I was born into a family where praying was automatic and missing prayers was unthinkable. I know I can just get up and pray, but I feel unworthy of Allah’s mercy and like I don’t deserve Jannah. I’m still memorizing Surah Al-Jumu’ah but feel like a hypocrite because I’m not praying regularly, which is the bare minimum. I might regret sharing this, but I needed to be honest and anonymous. Please keep me in your duas. May Allah guide us all and grant us strength to hold on to our iman. Ameen.