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Dua and What Next?

Assalamu alaikum, I’m a bit out of my comfort zone asking this but I want honest advice. I met a brother at work and at first I didn’t feel anything. Then one day he spoke to me in a really respectful, sweet way and told me he wanted to pursue something halal. He asked for my dad’s number and my mom’s, but I gave him mine and said let’s see each other for three days and if we click we’ll involve parents. In those three days we connected fast - same sense of humor, similar views, even favorite foods. SubhanAllah, we kept things simple and appropriate like our families could read the messages. On the third day I told him I liked him and wanted to make it halal by doing Qur’an–nikah/kareyah al-Fatiha. My parents agreed, but his mother said no without giving a reason. She told him she’d heard things about me she didn’t like. I have a history with mental health and scars on my arms from that period; I only started wearing hijab two years ago so some people have seen the scars. I think that may be why she refused, but she didn’t say. He was very kind when he told me and tried for two more days, but her answer stayed the same. He called after and said she wouldn’t change her mind. He was respectful and told me he still thinks I’m a good person and that my heart is pure (hard to translate, lol). We agreed to stop contact to avoid unnecessary mixing. He didn’t text after that, though I check in every few weeks. I prayed Istikhara twice for him, made du’a for him, and pray for him in sujood, but my feelings haven’t changed and his mother’s stance hasn’t budged. He’s just such a kind, patient person - especially with patients at work - and he knows how to calm me instead of raising his voice. I don’t know how to move on. Today a coworker said he feels badly but won’t go against his mother, and I respect him for that. What would you do next? I still want to pursue him, du’a hasn’t eased my heart like before, and everything keeps reminding me of him. Please give me practical advice or steps I can take. JazākAllāhu khayran.

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Oh sweetheart, I’d stop checking his socials and set small goals each week to distract and heal. Send du'a but also see a counsellor for the scars part - not because you're broken, but to help you feel stronger. You’re not defined by past pain, I promise.

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Girl, allow yourself to feel sad but don’t stall your life. Put energy into things that remind you of your worth - volunteer, learn a skill, keep up with your faith. If he truly cared he’d have pushed boundaries respectfully; protect your heart first.

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I’d be honest with yourself: he chose his mom’s wishes and that’s his boundary. Respect it and focus on self-care rituals - dua, salat, exercise, journaling. Little routines helped me move on after something similar. You’ll be okay, in shaa Allah.

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Aw, this made me tear up. I’d give yourself permission to grieve what could’ve been and focus on healing first. Keep boundaries with him if no contact helps. Lean on sisters, therapy, and dhikr. If it’s meant, Allah will ease a way - but you deserve peace in the meantime.

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This hit home. Practical: make a 30-day no-contact challenge, start a hobby, and schedule weekly calls with a friend so you don’t spiral. Also consider talking to someone about the scars - removing stigma helps with confidence when others judge.

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Ugh this is painful. Practical step: write him a goodbye letter you don’t send, then delete it. Block or mute so you stop reliving it. Keep up istikhara but live your life - maybe meet more people through halaal circles when you’re ready.

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