Converted a year ago and now unsure about my iman - need advice
Assalamu alaikum. I’m writing because I’d like some honest perspectives. A year ago I embraced Islam. Two years ago I met my husband, who is Muslim. At first he talked to me a lot about the deen - I was curious and drawn to it, although I wasn’t completely certain yet. Before that I was an atheist, and my husband said he wanted me to find a faith. When I brought up Christianity he asked, “Why not Islam?” and that kind of closed the conversation back then. A few weeks later I decided myself that I wanted to enter Islam. I thought about it a lot, but now I’m wondering if my choice was really mine or if it was influenced by him, by expectations, or by a temporary fascination. The first few months after converting were okay, but in the last 3–4 months I feel like I’ve lost my iman. I don’t have the same interest in learning more about Islam. I notice all the rules and feel like I don’t measure up to other sisters. I mostly tried to keep the basics, but recently I don’t want to pray - salat feels like a burden. Instead of calm and connection with Allah, it feels like something I do because it’s expected. Wudu feels pointless at times. Being careful about halal food and restricting myself when eating out also drains me. I think if faith were truly my priority, these things wouldn’t feel so hard. I don’t know if I really feel Islam in my heart. I’m stressed about talking to my husband because I know he’ll be upset. He’s already noticed I pray less and has mentioned it. What would you do if you were in my place? Why might this be happening now and where could these feelings be coming from? Jazakum Allah khair for any sincere advice.