Assalamu Alaikum - My dad sees me as an investment and it hurts
Assalamu Alaikum, I don't really know what I'm hoping for by posting this, maybe just to feel less alone. I'm [F, early 20s]. I've been dealing with my mental health and I'm at home (actually looking for work - I did get a job but my father didn't approve so he rejected it for me) after finishing undergrad and preparing for grad school. Today I came across a message between my parents. My dad wrote this about me to my mom. The background is I've been depressed and not being "productive" in the way they expect. My Dad's Message: I agree, I have no patience and also I have no idea what she is doing. You all celebrated her going to the US for higher studies and now she is spending time sleeping. You might accept her lazy behavior, you might educate me of everything, first educate your daughter for using her valuable time. People are asking me what she is doing. I have all the rights to ask question, I spend my hard earned money for her education now you are saying I should not challenge her for her behaviour. What she did in last 6 month which can appreciate? Being the eldest of the family, have she taken any responsibility of anything so far? What are you teaching me? My Mom's Reply: I just want to support my child during her hard time. Child is not a property for challenge. I'm just... shattered. To see your own father reduce you to a financial investment and a source of social shame. The line about "what has she done to appreciate?" hurt the most. Like my value as a person is some kind of progress report. The worst part is a part of me believes him. I feel so worthless. My mom's reply gave a little comfort, but it doesn't undo how heavy his words feel. Has anyone else's parents made them feel like a failed investment? How do you deal with feeling like your worth is only what you produce? JazakAllah khair for any advice or duas.