Assalamu alaikum - I feel lost and need guidance

Assalamu alaikum, I’m a 29 year old woman from the UK. I was raised in a Christian home but my immediate family weren’t very religious. My life’s been chaotic - I’ve experienced abuse multiple times and, as I got older, I turned to unhealthy coping like alcohol and drugs and developed addictions in my early 20s. I’ve had periods of sobriety using different supports: Christianity, spirituality, medicine, therapy and support groups. While intoxicated I did things out of character, and I’ve also had awful things happen to me when I was drunk. This summer I became very passionate about the situation in Gaza and got involved in advocating. I met a Palestinian man online (he’s an Israeli Arab) and I fell in love. We talked about religion a lot and I got interested in Islam - I began researching, praying, dressing more modestly and decided I wanted to become Muslim. At first he was amazing, but he had an anger problem. When I tried to express my feelings he’d explode, say hurtful things and I’d end up apologising. He broke up with me twice over the same issue - his family supposedly didn’t approve of him marrying outside his country - then after making up he’d say his family were fine. We spoke all day, FaceTimed every night and fell asleep on the phone together. Because of his anger, I gradually stopped sharing worries with him; I was scared of how he’d react and that he’d leave. In the first week he told me about a debt and how his cousin had taken a risky loan and he’d somehow become responsible. He never directly asked for money but I offered and sometimes insisted on helping. Within two months I started sending him money - I loved him and he told me Allah had sent him to guide me to Islam, and I believed him. When his friend was killed I sent money to donate to the family. When his licence expired I sent money to renew it. He once said a loan shark was threatening his father with a gun, so I sent more. After four months it added up to over £3k. He promised marriage and children, said he’d told his family about me, and that he’d come to London in November for my birthday; then we’d go to Israel and sign the marriage contract and begin our life together. Still, something inside me felt uneasy but I kept quiet because I feared his reaction. Over those months I embraced Islam: I bought an interactive prayer mat, a Quran, a journal and two books explaining the Quran, and I was praying five times a day. I started to love myself and my life again. On holiday in Mexico he kept making little jabs and I snapped. I’d also been thinking about the money I’d sent and things he’d said that didn’t add up. In a heated moment I broke up with him. He lost control and when I tried to apologise he wouldn’t accept it. He told me to leave Islam and go back to drinking and using drugs. That cut me deeply because he knew my past and had seen how far I’d come. I thought, as a Muslim, how could you say that to someone you claim to love? In our last conversation I said I felt used and that in Islam men often provide for women, not the other way. He defended himself by saying I offered the money so it was fine, called me terrible and said I’d taken advantage of him. Then he blocked me and we haven’t spoken since. His words hurt and I quickly stopped praying and relapsed into drinking. In the past two weeks I’ve done some awful things while drunk and I hate myself for them. I’m ashamed and I’ll carry that regret. I’m back home now and I want to continue my journey in Islam, but I feel lost. I don’t have Muslim friends or family nearby and I live in a very white Christian area. I’d relied on him for answers about Islam and some guidance, so without that I’m unsure where to turn. It’s sad that my first real experience with a Muslim man was like this, but I know there’s good and bad among people of every faith and background. I’m sharing this because I’m trying to get back on track and not use alcohol or drugs to cope. Any advice, duas, or practical steps to rebuild my iman and find halal support would mean a lot. I won’t respond to private messages from men right now - I don’t want to risk another situation like that. Insha’Allah when I’m healed I’ll meet someone and do things the halal way. ❤️ Thank you for reading and for any kind words or advice. 🩷