Assalamu Alaikum - Feeling Guilty as a New Muslim
Assalamu Alaikum, I’m a recent revert to Islam, alhamdulillah, and this has been weighing on me so I wanted to share. I’m in my early adult years. I hope this is okay to say. When it comes to politics I wasn’t very informed until recently. Back in 2023 I knew Israel had problematic policies, but I didn’t understand the full extent of what was happening to Palestinians. After the October 7th events I heard a lot of media coverage saying it was Hamas, and at first I believed the narrative and felt sympathy for those who were attacked. For a short while I supported Israel, thinking they’d been brutally attacked. Soon after, when Israel began military actions in Gaza, I thought they were trying to stop Hamas and that their warnings were sincere. When reports first blamed Hamas for a hospital bombing, I accepted that explanation. Over the next days more information came out, and by around October 17th I had stopped supporting Israel and my heart turned fully toward Palestine. I should say I’m autistic and suspect I have other mental health challenges, so I’m not sure how much that affects how I process things and feel guilt. My opinions shift a lot, and that’s been very stressful. I really hate the killing of innocent people - it hits me hard because of past trauma from bullying and feeling violated. For a while I was posting strong, angry things against Israelis, but then I moved to a neutral stance where I condemned the violence and genocide in Gaza while trying to avoid calling for harm to anyone. Now I’m firmly pro-Palestine, but these political swings keep making me feel guilty. I keep reminding myself I wasn’t informed back then and genuinely believed I was doing the right thing. A friend told me I’d fallen for propaganda, and they were right. Can anyone advise me? I’m looking for guidance on how to hold to Islamic values while navigating complicated news and emotions. If I’ve said anything unclear or hurtful, I apologize - I might have phrased something poorly. Please gently correct me. Jazakum Allah khairan for reading. Love you all ❤️