Asking for help with religious trauma and identity

Assalamu alaikum - I'm 21F and I'm at a point where I'm questioning almost everything about myself and my faith. I was born and raised in Pakistan in a very religious home. After my parents married my father became much stricter and controlling, and it's been that way for as long as I can remember. He wouldn't even let my mother go out with a friend for shopping even when they were modestly dressed - I remember that from childhood. Over the years I've watched him use religion, hadiths, and phrases to shame my mother when she tried to speak up or express how she felt. He was often angry, verbally abusive, and uncaring toward her. He shouted, called her names, and there were nights I still can't forget when he tried to be physically violent. I saw emotional and verbal abuse repeatedly. Even now he seems mainly concerned with his own comfort. He gives orders, pushes us to perform prayers and adhkar, or scolds us, but shows little real care for our well‑being. As a teenager I felt pressured to wear hijab, abaya, and even niqab. When I resisted he'd get upset, so I put them on to avoid conflict. Nowadays he only notices me to criticize my clothes, ask intrusive questions, or comment when I do something he thinks is noteworthy. This history has left me feeling ashamed of my body and myself. My self‑esteem is very low and I struggle to have a healthy mindset about who I am. I often hate myself. He sometimes insists I cover my head in front of male relatives even when there are no non‑mahrams present. He makes negative remarks about women who don't wear hijab, calling them “Western” or saying they're behaving like they're in New York. Being around him gives me anxiety and a lot of negativity; I try to avoid being near him when I can. All this has brought so many doubts about Islam into my mind. I feel overwhelmed by confusion about my identity - much of what feels like ‘‘me’’ comes from how I was raised or from doing things to keep family peace or avoid being labeled immodest. I can't freely choose how to dress outside because of the person I was shaped into, and I don't know how to separate the beliefs and habits I adopted from my true self. I wonder who I might have been without this background. I'm terrified of ending up in an abusive marriage like my mother's, of being neglected or mistreated. My iman feels very weak; I carry heavy guilt and feel like a bad Muslim, and doubts keep piling up. I don't know what to do next. I would appreciate any advice from sisters or brothers who have dealt with religious trauma, rebuilding self‑worth, or finding a sincere, healthy connection to Islam after a difficult family upbringing. JazakAllah khair for listening.