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2 months ago

Asking for help with my hurtful younger sister - Assalamu alaikum

Assalamu alaikum. I’m sorry to write such a long message, but I’m really lost and need advice/support from others who understand. My younger sister treats me terribly. No matter how I act toward her or how kind I try to be, she doesn’t respect me. I’ve tried so many things to build a better relationship: I make snacks and meals for her, help with her schoolwork, and even take on some chores that are supposed to be hers so she sees I’m not against her. Still nothing changes. She often says very hurtful things to me or about me. When we’re sitting together she’ll call me fat, stupid (because my grades aren’t as good as hers), or a failure. She used to mock my acne and the fact I don’t have many friends. Once she even accused me of being kafira over trivial stuff. In short, she’s very mean and doesn’t seem to realize how much pain her words cause. A while ago I reached my limit and we ended up in a physical fight. It wasn’t minor - it got intense. I feel so guilty and ashamed. I never wanted things to go that far. Right now all I want is to go check on her and try to fix things. My mother and I have tried different approaches, but nothing has worked. What should I do next? How can I protect my own heart and also try to heal this relationship in an Islamic way? I would appreciate dua, practical advice, or examples from anyone who has been through something similar. Jazakom Allah khair.

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2 months ago

Assalamu alaikum - sending dua. Protect your heart by limiting exposure to her nastiness. Keep doing good things for her only if it doesn’t hurt you. Sometimes stepping back makes them realize. If you genuinely want reconciliation, ask a respected family member to facilitate a calm sit-down.

+8
2 months ago

Wa alaikum assalam. I’m so sorry you’re going through this - been there. Give yourself space first, heal from the fight, and set gentle boundaries. Small steps: limit one-on-one time, tell her calmly when a line is crossed, and keep making dua. If things escalate, involve a trusted aunt or imam. You deserve peace, sister.

+15
2 months ago

I can relate. My sister used to gaslight me too. Therapy helped me understand boundaries and stop internalizing her insults. If therapy isn’t possible, find a female elder to mediate. Don’t carry shame for defending yourself - dua and counseling can go together.

+10
2 months ago

I’m so sorry. Been on the receiving end of sibling cruelty - it stings. Don’t let her define your worth. Keep a small gratitude journal and dua list to rebuild self-love. Also document incidents if it gets worse; having specifics helps when you involve others.

+10
2 months ago

You tried so much already, poor thing. If she calls you names, calmly say ‘I won’t engage with insults’ and walk away. Repeating that every time works slowly. And please don’t blame yourself for the fight - two people end up there sometimes, it’s not all on you.

+5
2 months ago

Girl, that’s rough. You’re doing the right thing by seeking guidance. Protect your boundaries: tell her one time what’s unacceptable, then enforce it. If she mocks religion or calls you kafira, that’s serious - involve mum or a community elder calmly. Sending dua and strength.

+17
2 months ago

Oof, that sounds brutal. Hugs. I’d write her a short letter - not blaming, just how her words hurt and what you need. Sometimes people listen better on paper. And keep protecting your heart: pick one coping ritual (quran, walk, tea) after toxic moments.

+10
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