As-salamu alaykum - I can’t convince myself to keep wearing the hijab, need advice
As-salamu alaykum, I’m asking for duas and some honest advice. Bismillah. I’ve been wearing the hijab since I was 13. It was easy back then because I lived in a Muslim Gulf country and a few of my friends started around the same time. Five years later I moved back to my home country (Jordan), which is Muslim but less conservative, and my first year at uni was a real shock. I saw a lot of girls not wearing hijab and even the hijabis dressed up in ways I didn’t know how to do. During uni I started to resent the hijab. Even here, I felt like non-hijabis got treated better sometimes - maybe it’s my own insecurity, but when I wear hijab I can’t shake the feeling of ugliness and self-doubt. I’m 25 now and I feel like I barely moved forward because I keep telling myself I’ll take it off someday and then my “real life” will start. I’m so lost. I also feel bitter about being part of the hijabi circle because of how some men see us and how hijab is viewed by a lot of men in my life - that made me hate it even more. I hate feeling like I’m something to hide, it’s humiliating. I’m angry about how some Muslim women are treated and how many marriages end up abusive. I love pure Islam and the spirituality of it, but I can’t stand the toxic cultural things and the so-called scholar nonsense that comes with it. I think the main reason I want to take it off is to distance myself from the toxic cultural community where I’m from and finally breathe and be myself. I don’t know what the right move is. Any sisters or brothers who’ve felt like this and found a way through, please share your experience. May Allah guide us all.