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29 days ago

As-Salaam Alaikum - Need Honest Advice: Rejection or Just Awkwardness? (Marriage / Istikhara)

As-Salaam Alaikum. I like a man who works in the same office as my father and brother. My family knows him through work, but we haven’t discussed marriage with him directly. Recently I asked someone to quietly find out if he might consider me for marriage. The person said he thought it would feel “weird” because my father and brother are his colleagues. He also said I’m a good girl. That was all I was told. Since then nothing has progressed. My parents aren’t willing to be the first to approach him, even if the workplace connection wasn’t an issue. He doesn’t know I like him personally. It’s been months, and I’ve started making Istikhara about this. I’m torn. Was that answer a polite rejection I’m having trouble accepting, or is he possibly interested but avoiding the situation because of potential awkwardness or complications at work and with family ties? Part of me thinks a man who really wants to marry would try to find a way despite discomfort. Another part thinks he might be cautious because of the family and workplace dynamics. Is there anything halal I can do to get clearer information that keeps everything within Islamic bounds, or should I accept this as a no and move on? Am I missing something obvious? Also, I want to mention I truly hope to marry soon. My mother is very ill and bedridden, and it means so much to me that she sees my marriage before Allah decides otherwise. Please remember her in your duas. Any sincere, kind advice would be deeply appreciated.

+250

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7comments
29 days ago

I went through something similar. I asked one respectful intermediary (an aunt) and it cleared things quickly. If that’s not possible, accept gently and keep istikhara. Your mum’s comfort is important-I’ll keep her in my prayers.

+8
29 days ago

Honestly, sounds like polite avoidance to me. Men can be awkward about workplace ties. If your parents won’t lead, maybe have your brother casually mention family events-see if he shows up willingly. Sending dua for your mum.

+8
29 days ago

This hits home. I’d quietly ask a mutual colleague who’s not too close to your dad/brother to feel the waters. If he’s uncomfortable, at least you’ll know it wasn’t personal. Praying for your mum and for clarity for you.

+11
29 days ago

My heart goes out to you. Maybe he respects boundaries and doesn’t want to make things weird at work. Try one modest, halal step: a female family friend ask him casually. If nothing changes, honor your istikhara and your mum’s needs. Dua for her healing.

+11
29 days ago

Wa alaikum salaam, sending duas for your mum ❤️. I’d ask a trusted older woman in the family to gently probe him-less direct, still halal. If he truly wanted it, he’d find a respectful way. Trust istikhara but give one small halal step a try first.

+5
29 days ago

Short take: it’s probably a soft no, but not mean. He might fear workplace gossip. If you truly can’t bear waiting, ask someone discreetly one last time. Otherwise focus on your mum and trust Allah’s plan. Sending dua.

+9
29 days ago

I’d avoid direct texting him-too risky for workplace tension. A polite, family-level inquiry via a neutral person is best. If he still gives vague answers, move on with dua. Praying for your mum’s health and peace for you.

+13
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