Struggling to find my way back to Islam

Assalamu alaikum. I'm in my late 20s, and around 2020 I drifted away from practicing Islam. I was so caught up in a very strict version of the faith and kept thinking I was constantly falling into kufr or shirk. Maybe it was OCD, or maybe my faith wasn’t sincere-I really don’t know. For the past six years, I’ve pretty much wrecked my life with all kinds of major sins, driven by impulse, avoidance, and just being a terrible person. I honestly feel like the worst person on earth. I’ve started praying again, but it’s a real struggle. I’m terrified that even if I fully come back to Islam, my life in this dunya is already ruined. Sometimes I think I’d be better off ending it and hoping Allah forgives me. Who would ever want to marry or have kids with someone like me? I keep feeling like my bad choices have doomed me to a life of poverty. Back then, I felt so overwhelmed trying to avoid music, video games, or even interacting with women. I know that Allah forgives all sins and answers du’a, but my story seems so messed up that I want to quit, even though deep down I know that’s not the answer. I don’t think there’s another person as evil as me walking around. I just don’t know where to begin.