Seeking guidance while struggling with self-harm as a Muslim.

Assalamu alaikum. For almost ten years, I've been battling the urge to self-harm. I've tried to stop, but I'm in a very difficult and heavy depressive state that's lasted for three weeks now, and the thoughts of going back to it are really strong. The main thing holding me back right now is that I don't have the means, but the urge grows stronger every day, and I'm worried that the next time I feel this deep sadness, I might actually do it. My iman feels so weak during these times. Even performing my daily prayers on time is a huge struggle because my body feels so heavy and weighed down by the sadness. I wanted to ask, how serious is it in our deen if I were to relapse? Would it be considered a major sin? My intention is never to end my life, may Allah protect us all from such thoughts. I only feel this compulsion when I am completely overwhelmed. Is it viewed as being as severe as taking one's own life? Please, I ask for your understanding and gentleness in your replies. May Allah make it easy for everyone struggling. Jazakum Allahu khayran for any advice.