Returning to Islam: Allah’s Mercy is My Only Hope

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. I posted before about coming back to Islam after being away for a year, and I just want to say jazakum Allahu khayran to everyone who commented-may Allah bless you all. I’m rewriting this to share my heart a bit more clearly. What I really want to say, in short, is that I’m holding onto the hope of Allah’s mercy. It had been a year since I last put my forehead on the prayer mat, and subhanAllah, He brought me right back to that same mat to make sujud. I pray Allah forgives me. Alhamdulillah, even being able to write these words is a blessing from Him. But I feel like I don’t have a practicing Muslim community to share this with-just me and my thoughts, and a little worry. I prayed Salah after a whole year, and I was literally shaking because I cried my heart out to Allah. To keep it brief: I was born Muslim in the West, my family wasn’t practicing, and I was the only one who tried. But over a year ago, I left Islam and became Christian. Still, every single day, I couldn’t stop learning or comparing the two, and deep in my heart, Islam was always shaping how I lived. I couldn’t even bring myself to eat pork-it just stuck with me, what the Qur’an commanded. Yes, what drew me away was an immense love for Prophet Isa, peace be upon him, which I know was wrong... but somehow, Allah was always the Lord of my heart. A few weeks ago, when I felt so broken, I took out my prayer mat after more than a year and just cried seeking tawbah. Because without Islam, my heart has no peace. My heart knows that when I had no other door, no other religious prayer moved me like turning to Allah. Islam was such a huge part of my life, I still don’t understand how I walked so far away. I missed it so, so much! For about a year, I kept going back and forth, struggling with my faith. Shirk is so serious that I literally cry and feel deep shame before Allah. He is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem, and I hope with all my heart and soul that He accepts me back. I took my Shahadah again, but I still feel worried and afraid. Can I really come back? I feel so ashamed. Some people knew about my doubts, but now I’m back in the fold of Islam. I overthink what others might say, but I deeply believe that Allah is One, without partners, and I wish so much for His forgiveness. I miss my deen terribly. All I want to say: don’t ever take Islam for granted-hold onto it with all your strength. May Allah forgive us all! I’m on this path now, and Allah is my witness that my heart truly aches for my mistakes, and I hope for His rahma. I just needed to write this out as a kind of testimony of my Shahadah. May Allah help us all stay steadfast on His deen, Ameen.