Questions and uncertainty after saying the Shahada
As-salamu alaykum - three days ago I said the Shahada at the mosque, alhamdulillah. I've been learning about Islam for almost a year. Last summer I whispered the Shahada to myself, and in September I began learning how to pray. At the start of January I reached out to the mosque in my town. Throughout this path I've had a lot of doubts. I always believed in God (I was raised Christian) and I’ve prayed before bed most nights since I was 13. While studying Islam I had stretches where I felt distant from the God I used to know and found it hard to pray. But other days I felt much closer to Allah through Islam and through salah. So many parts of Islam felt right to me and I wanted it to be true. My iman has never felt very strong. I struggled with believing in some things (like angels, jinn, and points where Islam and science seem to differ), but I hoped those uncertainties would fade as my iman grew. Saying the Shahada was a beautiful experience. Several sisters were there and they welcomed me warmly - I felt a bond with them even though we’d only known each other a short time. Still, walking home I didn't feel dramatically different. One sister said I was like a newborn, but I didn't really feel that way. I thought it might take time, but even after three days I don't feel more Muslim than before. I feel like a mix of Muslim, Christian, and even a bit agnostic. I expected clarity after making it official, but I haven’t found that and now I’m wondering if I made a mistake. What if Islam isn’t the truth and I just wanted it to be? What if I'm wrong? There are so many people following different beliefs - if there is one truth, why wouldn't everyone follow it? How can so many people be mistaken? I might just be stressed (I'm finishing my degree and, insha'Allah, I have my last and most important exams in the next two months), but I'm not sure what to do or what to feel right now. I would really appreciate hearing from other reverts who went through something similar or how they felt after taking the Shahada. JazakAllahu khayran for any replies.