New to Islam and worried because my life feels messy

Assalamu alaikum. Feel free to delete this if it’s not appropriate - I’ll understand. I was raised Christian but it never quite fit. I kept asking why things were the way they were and got answers like “just because” or “because faith,” which didn’t satisfy me. I did my own reading and at one point I became atheist. I didn’t like that - I wanted something to believe in, something to give hope, but I kept finding holes in the religions I’d been exposed to. I have an online Muslim friend who’s very kind and loves explaining things to anyone curious. I started listening out of curiosity, and the more he explained, the more it all made sense to me. I began to genuinely believe. My problem is my family would never accept it, and a lot of how I live now goes against Islamic teachings. There are things I can change, like drinking and smoking, but some things feel harder to undo, like offensive tattoos. I’m so happy to believe again, and I understand the rules and way of life that come with that, but I’m not in a safe or stable position to fully practice openly right now. Is there room for someone who believes inwardly but can’t practice publicly at the moment? Any advice on how to move forward quietly and safely would mean a lot.