Moms with Children on the Autism Spectrum

Salam alaikum, dear sisters. Life has thrown so many tests my way. My first marriage fell apart within a year because my ex had issues with drinking and straying from his faith, and he wasn’t kind to me. Alhamdulillah, a couple of years later, I remarried, and Allah gifted us a gorgeous baby boy. In his early months, he was so lively and sharp – everyone noticed. But at around 13 months, he got ill, and by age two, he was diagnosed with autism. My world shattered. I kept asking why Allah chose this path for me, with a condition that’s so uncertain and lifelong. Now he’s three and has delays, especially in talking. I see other kids his age calmly learning duas, reciting Quran, and going to the masjid with their fathers, and my heart aches. I dream of teaching him all that, but he’s not there yet. If I take him to the masjid, I panic he might wander off because he doesn’t understand danger well. He also struggles with eating – his diet is very limited – and he has tics. The doctors suspect ADHD, OCD, and anxiety too. After the diagnosis, my husband and I both lost our jobs, and nothing feels the same. I’m so low. He’s my only child, the light of my eyes after so much pain, but that joy feels distant. Will happiness ever find me again? Why does my life have to be like this?