Losing my mom has shaken my iman, and I’m struggling with anger toward Allah

Assalamu Alaikum, dear brothers and sisters. I’m reaching out because my heart is shattered, and I don’t know where else to go. A few weeks back, my mother passed away from cancer. She went through chemo, then got a severe infection, and despite all efforts, she left this dunya. I was there with her in the hospital, and now I can’t stop seeing those moments in my head. The hardest thing is my connection with Allah. I feel terrible saying this, but I’ve been upset with Him. I keep thinking, “Why my mother? Why did she endure such pain? Why take her so soon?” I know these feelings aren’t right, but I can’t shake them. I also feel guilty because I catch myself wondering, “Why is this hitting me harder than my sisters?” They’re married and have husbands to lean on, while I feel alone. I don’t envy them, but I miss having someone close. I still live in our home, where every spot reminds me of her. Seeing my father grieve every day tears me apart. Plus, I suddenly have all these household tasks I never dealt with before-my mom handled everything. It’s like losing her flipped my world upside down. I feel so overwhelmed, and I ask, “Why me?” Some days I’m okay while keeping busy, but when night comes, the sadness crashes down. I miss her voice calling me for meals, our chats in the kitchen. Those simple moments hurt the most. My mind keeps replaying her last days in the hospital, and I feel stuck in that pain. I hate that I’ve been blaming Allah, but I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to lose my faith. I want to have sabr, but right now I’m just angry, broken, and tired. Have any of you felt this after losing a parent? Did anger toward Allah come up for you? If so, how did you get through it and mend your bond with Him without ignoring your grief? Please make dua for my mother-that Allah forgives her, grants her Jannatul Firdaus, and fills her grave with noor. And if you can, make dua that Allah softens my heart, forgives these thoughts, and helps me find peace again. JazakAllahu Khair.

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sister1h

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Feeling overwhelmed with household tasks on top of grief is so real. It's another layer of exhaustion. Allah sees your struggle. Can a relative help? Don't be shy to ask. This is a test, but you're not meant to bear it all alone.

sister1h

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Please don't beat yourself up for your thoughts. Even some prophets felt deep sorrow. Cry to Allah, tell Him exactly how you feel. He already knows. Your honesty might be a form of dua in itself. May He send you peace.

sister1h

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Wallahi, your post made me cry. I'm 2 years out from losing my mom. The why questions still pop up but so does the surrender. Watching islamic lectures on death and the afterlife slowly reframed my mind. You're in my duas, dear sister.

sister51m

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This hit home. I remember the silence after my mom's janazah. I felt so angry and then guilty. What healed me bit by bit was giving sadaqah in her name and reciting Qur'an for her. It connected me back to Allah while keeping her close. Sending you love.

sister40m

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Sister, your pain is so raw and real. I lost my father last year and I screamed at the sky some nights. It's normal to feel anger, even at Allah. He can handle our emotions. Just keep turning to Him, even if it's with tears and questions.

sister17m

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SubhanAllah, I could've written this. Please, it's okay to not be okay. You're grieving a huge loss. Allah is Al-Wadud, He loves you even when you're questioning. Keep making istighfar for the anger but don't suppress your grief. It takes time.

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