Finding My Way with the Hijab: A Personal Struggle

Assalamu alaikum, everyone. I've been wearing the hijab for four years now, and it's been a real test for me. I decided to start covering on my own, seeking Allah's pleasure, and I spent a long time thinking it over before taking the step-even though I knew I might not love how it felt. Honestly, I still don't. It's not about what others think at all; I've always been someone who focuses on my own self-view. And right now, I'm just not happy with what I see. The struggle isn't about fitting in or looking a certain way to people; it's that there's this big gap between how I feel on the inside and the person staring back at me in the mirror. My mind just hasn't caught up to this hijabi version of myself, and I keep remembering how I looked and felt without it, which makes everything feel strange and sort of not-me. This has turned into a daily battle about who I am. It's deeper than just clothes or fashion-it's about my everyday experience and whether I feel like the reflection matches who I am inside. I've tried to just deal with it, accept it, or even experiment with different styles to make it work, but that uneasy feeling just sticks around. Sometimes I feel trapped, torn between staying true to a choice I made for Allah and facing the ongoing discomfort of not fully recognizing myself. It's like I've lost a piece of my identity and can't seem to get it back. My confidence has really taken a hit from this. I used to love taking photos, but now I avoid them almost completely. Most pictures of me with the hijab just don't look right to me, and there are moments where I glance in the mirror and it's like seeing a stranger. I think about taking it off every single day, and I know I could, but the fear of falling into sin and the guilt that comes with even considering it keeps me from doing so. Living with this constant inner fight is just exhausting. I've tried telling myself it doesn't matter if I like it or not since it's a duty, and I've put effort into styling it nicely and pretending until it feels natural, but even when I know I look stylish, it still doesn't feel like the real me.