Feeling overwhelmed by envy and struggling with my deen

Bismillah. I come from a really humble background. My family has always run a small, budget hotel, so we’ve lived in just a few hotel rooms my whole life. I share a room with my sister, and home and work are tangled together. It’s tough not having my own space. A while back, Alhamdulillah, I got a scholarship to a private university in another city. That was a huge blessing. But honestly, being there has made me bitter. I’m always around people who have more-more money, more stability, more stuff. At university, I live alone, and I’ve really come to love having my own space. I can fast and wake up for suhoor without worrying about anyone. I can pray tahajjud without disturbing anyone. For the first time, I had privacy. Now, every time I come back home to those cramped rooms, I feel trapped. I’ve become obsessed with the idea of owning a house. My father has been looking for one, but his budget is very tight, and he’s determined to avoid taking out a loan, to keep away from riba. He’s been searching for months, maybe years, and finding a decent, affordable house feels impossible. The comparison trap has swallowed me. At first, I was only jealous of people with houses. Now the jealousy spills over everything-better clothes, nicer things, easier lives. I hate saying this, but it’s true. What scares me most is how this has affected my faith. I used to be so religious. In high school, my iman was strong-I never missed prayers, read Quran daily, and trusted Allah completely. Now I struggle to pray. For months, I haven’t been consistent. Sometimes when I start to pray, a rush of bitterness and anger comes over me, and I can’t control it. My parents are desperately trying to find a house, but every attempt seems to fail. My father keeps saying, “Allah will make a way.” I know he believes that, and I do too, but I’m exhausted. He tells me to make dua, but when I raise my hands, I feel frustration and resentment boiling up. Meanwhile, my friends seem to live lives I can’t even imagine. They have houses, their own rooms, financial security, safety nets-parents who can support them if things go wrong. And here I am, terrified of the future. I know I should be grateful. I have a roof over my head. I know hasad eats away a person from inside. I know these feelings are spiritually dangerous. But knowing doesn’t stop them. I don’t even want luxury-just my own room, a space to breathe. I’d be content living with my family if only I had that corner to myself. I’ve tried getting alone time through walks, drives, but it never feels enough. I’ve tried gratitude journals, counting blessings, looking at those with less. But my eyes always drift to what’s missing. The bitterness is overwhelming. It’s affecting my relationships too, internally. Some close friends genuinely love me, and they think I’m happy for them. But secretly, I feel envious-they have houses, their own rooms, things I don’t. I hate this about myself. The guilt after almost hurts more than the jealousy. I know it’s wrong. I get angry at myself, and that frustration drives me crazy. What’s more frustrating is knowing how fortunate I am. I wouldn’t have gotten the university experience without Allah’s mercy. I’ve had opportunities beyond my childhood dreams. But now I’m trying for medical school, and that path feels so uncertain. How will I fund it? Where will I end up? My wealthy friends don’t have these fears-their parents can pay, they have safety nets. It really bothers me when people from well-off families say, “I’ll avoid riba because it’s haram.” They can afford to say that. Their parents can cover education. The real sacrifice is when someone needs the money but still chooses not to take it. So what do I do? Avoid riba and stay in poverty, or take on debt to build a better life for myself and future generations? I genuinely don’t know. Marriage is another sadness. Many around me are finding a deep connection with a spouse, the kind of love everyone hopes for. I don’t have that, and I wonder if I ever will. Lately, everything crashes down at once: medical school, money, housing, marriage, the future-and above all, this drowning jealousy. What hurts most is my relationship with Allah. I used to feel so confident in it. That confidence carried me through high school, helped me get into university because I believed Allah would make a way. Now, I can’t pray. I can’t make dua. Thinking about the future brings bitterness, anger, hopelessness, fear. I get so frustrated with myself, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I vented to my sister, and she said I’ve become spoiled. She’s probably right, but knowing that doesn’t fix it. I just want a house, my own room, a space to breathe. Strangely, my iman is strongest when I’m alone-away from friends, family, comparisons. But right now, I’m stuck in this living situation I can’t escape, and it’s made me bitter. I feel like bitterness has overtaken me, and I’m drowning. How do you stop comparison and envy when you know they’re destroying you, but you can’t seem to let them go? May Allah guide us all.