Feeling Lost & Numb: How Do I Find My Way Back?

As-salamu alaykum, brothers and sisters. I'm in a really tough spot and need some kind, gentle advice. I'm carrying so much guilt already. This Ramadan, I hardly fasted. Not for a physical reason, but because I simply didn't. I know it's a major mistake. I feel guilty, but also this scary numbness-like I'm far from myself and from Allah. That empty feeling frightens me the most. The truth is, this started a while ago. My mental health has been struggling for years. I haven't prayed regularly in over a year. What began as missing a prayer here and there slowly became praying none at all. My days aren't shaped by salah anymore; they're shaped by food. I deal with binge eating and using food to cope with my feelings, something I've done since I was young but it's gotten much worse. In Ramadan, it feels even more intense. I spend the day thinking about eating, and when I break my fast, I often eat way too much until I'm uncomfortable. It makes fasting feel like a punishment instead of an act of worship, and I hate that. My life has become very small. I've developed a fear of leaving the house and haven't gone out in months. I barely move, and simple things like showering feel like huge tasks. There's no joy. I've dropped all my hobbies and barely talk to friends. I've gained a lot of weight, and now my body aches, which makes praying physically hard. The few times I tried to pray this Ramadan, it felt so difficult I just stopped. I've struggled with keeping my fasts for years, but this Ramadan was the hardest. I desperately wanted to use this blessed month to turn back to Allah, but I feel like I've wasted it. I'm not trying to blame my past or my struggles. I know what I'm doing is wrong, and I'm responsible. Right now, I feel completely stuck. What scares me most isn't just the mistakes, but the condition of my heart. I'm terrified of becoming indifferent. I don't want my heart to harden. I don't want to leave this world knowing I believed in Allah but my actions didn't show it. I don't want to be among those who will beg for a second chance. I do want to come back to Islam, to Allah, and to myself. It's the only time I've ever truly known peace. I want to pray again. I want to fast properly. I want my life to have structure and meaning again. I just feel so overwhelmed and ashamed, like I've gone too far or that I won't be able to stick with it even if I try. I also don't know what to do about all the missed fasts and prayers. I can't even count how many there are, and that makes starting again feel impossible. I've been crying because I wanted to really focus and repent in these last days of Ramadan, but then I got my period. If anyone has been in a similar situation, or has advice on making sincere repentance and actually rebuilding from this point, I would be so grateful. Like, how do I start praying again? How do I make up for breaking my fasts on purpose? I'm feeling hopeless and trying hard not to give in to that feeling. Jazakum Allahu khayran for reading.